Amma's diary[full text[😇]!!

Name:KumarRavichandran

Kumar’s recovery diary  

March25,2016

Today I decided to pen down what happened three years ago.
I hope my recollection of what happened is fairly correct.It was July second 2013.
There was Thirupugazhbhajan conducted in TVS uncle’s house in Ramaaneeyam.
The building is just opposite to my house.
My friend geetha had gone to Ahmedabad. So I went alone to the bhajan.
Before that I had to convince my mother-in-law who was stone deaf and
bent due to old age that I was going to the opposite house and would finish my lunch
there only.We are given lunch after singing.
I had made food for my husband who was working in ICRA at that time and
served food to my mother-in-law and went.
I sang from heart and I was amazed to see Neelakantan
mama and his wife Seethamami (made for each other couple)
singing with full throated voice. Both have aged gracefully and look
like Parvathi-Paramesvara.
After the lunch I came home took some rest and went to Edusol class
where I was teaching maths.
Then in the evening I opened Skype and was very happy to
know that my younger son Kumar,
who was doing PhD in U.S was online. I sent messages to him,
told how the couple sang from heart. No response.
My Kumar always responds to my messages. What happened?
I sent smilies still no response. He was online.
I felt my stomach churning. I tried for a long time.
He was online but no response.
My sixth sense told me “ something is wrong”.It was July
second evening to me and for Kumar it was morning.

July 3,2013

I was not in mood and kept calling Kumar many times.
Voice message came. My mother-in-law kept on asking me why I was upset.
I had no mood to tell her how I was feeling.
Then in the night after the dinner I was sitting on the bed ready to sleep.
The bell rang. I felt uneasy. Who is coming at this time of the day?
My brothers, their wives and my mother came.
Then my brother told me in soft tone” lalli Kumar has met with an accident
and is admitted in a hospital”. I felt dizzy and could not comprehend what he was telling.
Then my mil wanted to know who had come to see us .
Then she came out of her bed room and felt happy to see my mother and brothers.
She asked them” How nice of you of to have come at this hour of the day
to wish Lalitha and my son for their marriage anniversary !!”.
She told me “Lalitha give them sweets”.
I was in a state of shock.
I wrote to her on a paper” Amma Kumar has met with an accident.”
She became hysterical. She went to the pooja room and cried in front of SaiBaba
She told me “ Lalitha don’t believe the news.
It must be hoax. Kumar is a careful driver. “
I had to tell her the news was genuine.
Then my husband contacted his friend Rangarajan
and told him to see my son
who was admitted in Prince George Hospital .
We waited here for an hour. His wife saw my son and spoke to the doctor .
The doctor told ”Call the parents”
She asked if the parents have to rush and come.
The doctor told “ If I were his parent I would do that”.
My world fell before me. I knew the gravity of the situation.
My cousin brother in Boston was the first to reach and my elder son from Turkey came.
Then my niece in New Jersey arrived.
At once our tickets were booked and my mother-in-law
was sent to my sister-in-law’s house. That was the last time I saw her.

My husband had got chocolate for our anniversary.
It was untouched . July 4th - my marriage anniversary went unnoticed.
My mother stayed with me overnight and my brothers went back home.
On July 4th had breakfast brought by my brother and we all went to Dandeeswaram temple.
I wept before Karunambigai . My mother cajoled me.
Came back home and my husband made all arrangements and we packed our items.
In 2012 we had visited our son in U.S. It was a joyous trip .
I did not know what to pack.
We told the opposite house people to take care of our house in our absence.
We thought we would be back in a month or two. God had a different plan for us!!

In the night my brothers and mother came to the airport.
I was chanting and my mind was blank.
My mother told me “ Ammalu, you recite Saundarya Lahari.
Goddess will be with you.” We went inside for security checkup.
My mother was waving to me. That was the last time I saw my dear mother.

July4: We were in the flight. I could not concentrate on anything .
I did not feel like eating anything. I wanted pity from everyone and cried .
The gentleman sitting next to me asked me very politely why I was crying.
I told him the reason. He introduced himself as Dr. Bruce Janati M.D,
a neuro physician.
Then he wrote down few questions to be asked once we landed in U.S. They were:

1. How long was my son unconscious?
2. Did he need resuscitation?
3. Did he have skull fracture?
4. Where is the hemorrhage in the brain? How big is it?
5. Does he follow commands?
6. Does he move his arms and legs freely?
7. Is he on ventilator?
8. Did he have spine injury?
9. Did the air bag in the car deflate?
10. What does the E.E.G say?   I was frozen looking at these questions.

My God is the accident that serious? Then there was a stopover at Dubai. My husband tried to contact my cousin brother who had come all the way from Boton. He did reply but it was nothing assuring. My son was in induced coma.I did not want to think of anything and was chanting mechanically.The plane landed in Washington airport and I was restless,jumped the lines incurring the wrath of those waiting in the line. I was pleading “ My son is serious. Pl show mercy”. I ran like a mad woman. My husband told me to remain calm. He had never lost his cool and wanted pity from anyone. Our baggage took long time and every second looked unending to me. I spotted my niece and her husband. She hugged me and broke down. As the car was approching the hospital she told me ‘ Chitti you must not swoon down when you see Kumar. That is the truth”.She got us coffee and told us to drink.I felt like puking. The car entered the hospital.MyGod !! I remember this place. In 2009 we had come to visit my sons. That time Kumar did not have car. So he took me by bus to Siva Vishnu  temple in Maryland. That time we took a wrong bus and we got down near this hospital. Kumar told me ‘ Amma this is a famous hospital in Maryland”. I told him “ Dear why do you show hospital. I hate to see one”.Now my son is in the same hospital.

July 5: We were taken to his room. My son was lying down with crisscroosing wires and fancy monitors showing different graphs and he was on ventilator and heavily sedated. I was about to collapse and my elders son who had come from Turkey cajoled me. He was also in deep shock . My Kumar who was looking so handsome( he was having neat French cut and was looking an athelete to the core. There were tubes draining out fluid from his lungs, catheder for his urine, food tune from his stomach ,an antenna type wire on his temple to monitor his brain pressure ,neck brace to rule ou any spine injury and many tubes on his body. My God !! When will this boy come out of all these wires!! Chill ran down my spain. The doctors were waiting for us. They took us to the family consulting room and told the truth.Dr.Phalic a well knownneuro surgeon of great repute told me” keep you fingers crossed. You son had TBI ( trauma brain injury). Nothing can be said as on now. Wait for 72 hours to see if he is responding to the medicines. Then we will tell”. My heart sank. But the doctor told me “ He is young and has maintained very good health. He is also into research. All these are plus points. Be positive and pray .” One of our relatives had brought food and compelled me to eat. I was having jetlag and was feeling dizzy. My husband told me “ Let us go to Kumar,s house in Hyattesville for the night”. I said “No I will not come there without Kumar”. I did not know at that time  that I would have to wait for six months for that to happen!! I slept in the family counseling room ( they allowed me ). I was shivering. Now and then I peeped into his ICU to see if his eyes were open. Now I realize how silly I had been. He was in induced coma to give rest to his brain. They did not want brain pressure to go up.

I wanted to sit next to him and talk a lot. We were allowed to be there in ICU. We had to sanitize our hands every time we went out. There was no visible injury on his head. I foolishly thought the moment I called out his name he would open his eyes and ask me why I was there. Nothing dramatic like that happened.The entire atmosphere made me feel sick. I wanted to cry non stop. Then my husband in stern tone told me not to create a scene. But the doctors told me there was no shame in mother’s tears. He has been saved by paramedics and I must thank the unknown person who had alerted the paramedics that there was an accident .

My son was learning to play on piano and he had gone to Upper Marlborough to pay his piano sir his fees. Before that he had gone to bank of America to withdraw the required amount . Then he had come back to his house, saw the Wimbledon match for some time and then left .It was a quaint nondescript place and he had sped and there was some water on the ground owing to rain the previous day. He applied brake but lost control and the car hydroplaned and hit an iron pole. The pole hit the side of the car which in turn hit his head many times when the car was swirling.The car started going in circles . The air bag opened and he had no injury on his face. For that matter he had no visible injuries on his body. He became unconscious and was panting. The paramedics who saw him acted swiftly and tried to extricate him. When that was not possible they cut open the top portion of the car and saved him. He was breathing but at once all the protocol was followed. His seat belt had pressed his lungs and there was fluid collection in his lungs. Dr.Ali Khan who saw him first felt ‘This boy is going to make it”. Not knowing who he was , the treatment started . His I-Phone had fallen inside the car and so the doctors were in a dilemma to fix who Kumar was. Then they his identity card which said he was a research scholar in UMD. They contacted the university and conveyed the news that a student of aerospace department had met with an accident. They told the name. His guide Dr.Inderjeet Chopra was stunned. He had spoken to Kumar the previous day and they had a long chat. He told him that he could start penning down his thesis. Kumar is aa assistant research scholar in UMD working on rotor craft and he already has M.S. He was working for his Ph.d. The professor at once google searched and contacted my elder son who is a professor of Maths in Turkey and told him about the accident. He caught the next flight and was with Kumar before we arrived.

I slept in the hospital and time seemed to stand still for me. Slowly 72 hours (3 days) became 5 days and the doctor called us for a family counseling. He told “Kumar is responding to medicines. His brain pressure is under control. We have sedated him heavily. Keep your prayers alive”. Then we went to his house and my heart sank to see the room we had visited the previous year. He had kept it spic and span. The keyboard in the corner brought nostalgic memories to me. Every corner in the room made me feel sick and I cried till my eyes went dry. In the fridge he had stocked all fruits and vegetables,soymilk,flax milk, almond milk etc. Before the accident he had told me he had become vegan. I asked why. He told he felt much stronger and active after becoming a vegan. My son is a total vegetarian with clean habits. On the wall I saw his schedule. It read what he had to do on July 2nd. How life can change in a split second!!! His land lord is a nice person fond of Kumar. He told us” I could not believe when I got a call from the hospital that Kumar who is my tenant met with an accident. I thought it was a hoax call and Kumar would come and tell me “Hi Dough I fooled you”.He wept uncontrollably. I was really touched and told him to pray for Kumar.

So we were commuting to the hospital from his house daily. The bus stopped near his house and the final destination was Prince George hospital. I would make lunch and we took breakfast at home. Sometimes Mohan used to come with us but on many occasions used to come in the afternoon and stayed with him till night.

We were asked to chant different mantras and we were doing that diligently. Ravi used to get up very early have bath and chant. I was having Thirupugazh book with me all the time. After the tenth day kumar opened his eyes but nothing dramatic happened. He could not recognize any one and had blank look. He developed pneumonia triggered by ventilator. So chest PT was done many times during the day to remove the phlegm from his lungs. My throat used to pain when he struggled during the suction of the phlegm. He used to have high fever and was on ice packs most of the day. A wet towel was around his head to bring the temperature. Every day after reaching home we used to call the hospital to find out how he was. They used to tell “ He is not responding to stimuli”. My heart used to sink. Entering the ICU was not easy. The automatic door would open only when the receptionist pressed the button. We could go only after 9 in the morning. So if we went early we used to sit in the waiting room. I developed neck pain. I used to have conversation with others and was surprised how they remained cool. There was one motorbike accident victim and his vital organs were damaged due to the accident. His family along with the pregnant girl friend used to come. His grand mother would go now and then to smoke and they used to eat non stop and sip cold drinks. But all were very cordial and would pray for Kumar. There were standard tests to know if the patient was aware.!. Show your tongue. 2. Give Hi-Fi. 3. Thumbs up 4. Waggle the toes. None of the commands were obeyed by kumar. They would come and check his hand grip. If they inserted the finger in his hand he must hold it tight. He did not. I used to sit next to him and talk non stop. Put ear phones and made him listen to music. The nurses told me to talk more. The patient would be listening to it in the sun conscious state.

My cousin brother who was with him till we came had to leave for Boston. He wept uncontrollably. He told me to have faith in God ( Till that date he never believed in prayers). Then my niece had to leave for New Jersey. I felt very lonely. That time a nurse in that hospital ( she is from Kerala) who came to know that there was an Indian in the hospital and his parents had come to be with him came running to see us. She told us ‘ I am Jolly and I am the head nurse here “  and hugged me. From that day till we left the hospital she was of immense help to us. I have no sister and I found a sister in her. Daily she would bring masala chai , snacks and food. So I was saved from the trouble of cooking at home. Ranga and Brinda were like family members. I could rely on them for any help. They also brought cart load of food and I could safely put them in the fridge and reheat when needed.

Kumar developed many infections while in Prince George. He had pneumonia,urinary infection, diarrhoea, his blood count came down, high fever and agitation. This pneumonia was difficult to control since he was on ventilator. That delayed his progress. Despite the fever he used to sweat in A.C room. The nurse told we could bring our own fan. Jolly who heard this at once got a new fan for him. After it was tested by the hospital authorities we were allowed to use. No electrical gadgets could be tried there without being tested and labeled .Such precaution is taken there. Sanitizers were kept in many places to keep the hands clean. Any one could enter ICU after sanitizing the hands properly. His professor came with students to see him and he broke down. His friends were in the hospital till we came from India. His professor took care of that. He could not believe his eyes. He told us that on July1st he and Kumar had a long chat and he told Kumar that he was ready to pen down his thesis. He also told him that he could find a faculty position in IITM.Kumar’s legs had bloated owing to water collection. Draining of fluids form his lungs slowly stopped and he was out of those tubes first.But his agitation had started and his pressure was going very high. We did not know it was just reflex action when he lifted his right hand. We thought he was becoming aware and was making some meaningful movements. We mistook it for saying “Hello” and called nurses . They felt happy. That day owing to excitement we missed the bus and took a taxi. I thought the ordeal was over and slept well. The next day when the doctor came he told it was reflex action and not done consciously. My heart sank but the doctor told even reflex action shows he was improving .But this agitation went on unabated and to control him he was sedated. In the meantime owing to diarrhoea he had developed bed sore. They were treating that. He was getting special protein food through the tube and  fibre in liquid form was given to prevent constipation. He was rapidly losing weight and was reduced to bones. His legs owing to lack of movement lost muscles and were becoming like sticks. His fingers and toes had turned blue owing to reaction. My son who is very handsome was full of beard and sunken cheeks. Fancy monitors showing funny curves used to churn my stomach. I used to secretly see what they were writing in the computer about Kumar. Unending names of medicines used to scare me. When will he come out these medicines?

It is already fifteen days since we had come to US. Kumar was not tracking though his eyes were wide open. There was a T.V in the room and he was just staring at it. Chest PT was done many times to remove the phlegm. His lungs were cloudy and the doctors were trying their best to combat pneumonia. He was given four units of blood since his blood count had dropped due to infection. We had to give our concern and he was given the blood after elaborate tests. His agitation continued and his pressure shot up. To bring down his body temperature he was on ice bed with ice packs under his arm pit. Our only diversion was to go to the canteen for a cup of coffee . I used to bring lunch from home and we used to go out ,and sit in the seats provided for visitors in the garden. I used to wonder how people remain calm smoking when their dear ones were in the ICU. One good thing about US the toilets were very neat and there was hand sanitizer everywhere. In the evening Jolly used to get tea with snacks. We used to stay till seven in the evening and then take the bus and go to our house. I used to make something for the night to survive and go to bed. I had the funny feeling in my stomach all the time – was it fear? Everyday looked the same without any dramatic change in Kumar’s state. I used to run after every doctor expecting them to say something good about his recovery. I was foolish. One day a doctor who does not attend to Kumar casually told “ He may not come out of ventilator”. My world sank and I told my husband. He scolded me and told that he does not know anything about Kumar. One day I was feeling very depressed and was wondering why I must live. Then Dr.AliKhan came and told me that Kumar’s CT scan showed improvement. I wept uncontrollably and told him how I was feeling. He consoled me and told me to be positive.

Kumar’s landlord came to see him. The way he wept after seeing him is still before my eyes. He had to be cajoled by the nurses. This is true love. Then we assured him Kumar was showing progress.

I vividly remember the day I lost my way. From Prince George hospital I took the bus as my husband told me to go home and he would come late after spending time with Kumar. I was very tired on that day. I got into the bus but missed the stop. Then after getting down I was totally disoriented and started walking aimlessly. I was sweating profusely and had lot of bags in my hand. I started to panic and called AnandSaxena. He guided me but I did not want to look foolish and told him I found my way. I did not. I walked for an hour or so then finally could place our locality. I was utterly tired and collapsed on the bed. I wept. I told myself “Kumar would you have liked your mother to walk like this!! How concerned you were about my comfort. Dear how can you lie in the hospital unaware of what is happening to us!!”. After Ravi came home I told him how I felt foolish walking on the road after missing the stop. He told me the mistake was with me and told me not to be too emotional..

Physio therapist used to come but Kumar was not aware so nothing great could be done. The therapist told he needed Dyna splint to prevent his legs from drooping. Then we appealed to the insurance and the splint arrived. Since he was lying on the bed he could develop ballerina feet. Then his heel was constantly rubbing the bed. So it could develop sores. He had contracture on the left side. He had not made any meaningful movements with his left leg. On the left hand he had all the life saving wires. So his left hand was not put into any use. One Miss.ginger came and took measurements and ordered for the splint. We did not know the meaning of splints. When they arrived we were stunned. We were given instructions - elaborate !! There were many straps and not easy to put it on Kumar. They were heavy. His fingers had started to curl and so special splint for his fingers which would go upto his fore arm. Then one more splint for his left arm – quite heavy.

Now the doctorssrarted feeling it was time for Kumar to go for rehab.There was a constant fear – will his insurance support it? If so where and what type of rehab? The case manager brought details of different rehab centres  but all insisted on the patient being able to breathe on his own. No ventilator assistance. I got terribly scared. What would happen to Kumar? Then Mohan also scared us . Unless we search for different possibilities the hospital would shun us. But Ravi was very confident. He said it was the duty of the Prince George hospital to tie up with some rehab centre and we need not worry. I lost my sleep and I had uneasiness in my stomach which continues even today.The case manager Ms.Sarahcould not tie up with rehab and she frankly told she was not that smart to work it out and another person by name Tipnis would work for it. I thought all were escaping but ravi never had an iota of doubt. There would be fights at home with Mohan regarding this issue. He would tell ‘ Appa don’t think you are a GM and uyour PA would do the work.Sara is not your PA”.Then one fine fine morning ms.Sara told us that Tipnis had successfully tied up with a rehab centreLevindale in Baltimore. She would tell us when we must get ready for that.So the hospital had represented Kumar’s case and Levindalegaeriaticcentre well known for rehab had agreed to take him. His insurance would support him. His professor who visited us in the hospital brought the details of Kumar’s insurance and he highlighted the salient features of the scheme. He had the same insurance benefits as his professor.He also assured us that in case we faced any problem we could contact the presonMr.Auto in UMD.It was strange to me. Kumar who detested taking any medicine unless it was absolutely necessary had taken the best insurance just before his accident!!! So the nightmare of fixing the rehab was over.

Date: aug 2     Kumar was less agitated. Physio was done and his left hand seems relaxed a bit. When his right leg is lifted he wrinkles his face. I talked to him for a long time. He just looked at me. When the TV was on he turned his eyes towards it. We gave his tennis ball in his hands. His lungs are clear.

Date Aug 3: Kumar was awake and he shows some expressions on his face. I talked to him and showed his piano books, helicopter pictures and he saw them. That time he was moving his eyes. When we switch on the TV he turns his eyes towards it. Chitra,Pons and Bhairavi had come and they spoke to him. Now they are experimenting to see if he can come out of the ventilator. This will take some time. His face looks clear. Waiting for him to recognize me.A long day. We both are tired.

Date: Aug 4 : We went at  11 and were allowed after some time. Kumar was agitated and hence had to be given medicine and was drowsy till three in the afternoon. But he woke up in between. He was made to sit in a separate reclining chair. Then the nurse removed his collar brace . The instruction had come from neuro dept. He was keeping his mouth wide open and hence the nurse could brush his teeth and also his tongue well. Nurse Florence is is the only one who had made him sit in that position. All the others are kamchors!! Then I tried the lollypop sticks to see his reaction.This is one way of stimulation and I have been asked to try on him. He bit the sticks but his tongue can’t be having any taste after one month of tube feed. He was showing expressions on his face when I touched him with cold water napkins. In the evening he became really awake and I showed him some pictures. I also showed his piano books and there is a free piano lesson in my I-Pad and I played it for him. I felt he was listening. Mohan when I was talking to him I felt he was listening to me . Sometimes I am ignored when I talk – I felt Kumar was doing that to me. We had to leave at 6.45 and I told him if he recognized me I would sleep the night in the visitor’s room!!Today when he coughed hard the tube got little displaced and he struggled for some time it seems. The doctors set it right and an X-Ray is taken for the entire chest.

Aug 5th: Today when I tried to remove the wax from his right ear, he showed reaction and this was observed by the therapist who had come to assess him. Physio for his legs was done and his reaction was different today .She tried to make him sit and his head was not stiff. He was more alert than before. I spoke to him for a very long time and for a moment felt he was going to place me. He was tracking more. In the evening physio for his hands was done .by Joy. He was awake . He found that he is tracking more . She lifted his head many times and turned it left and right. He has no brace. Now he is going to be shifted to Baltimore for rehab. The insurance has accepted it and he will be moved in a day or two.Now we must arrange for our stay. Stifney came and she conveyed the news in the morning. His lungs have become clear but coming out of vent will take some more time.Praying!!

Aug6th: Kumar developed fever at 8 in the morning and hence could not be shifted to Baltomore. Routine culture tests have been done and the result will come in two days. His white cells are normal and the reason for the fever is not known.He was awake many times during the day. He was not agitated. When I try to touch his inner ears( Both) he shows expressions on his face. We showed some piano lessons on the I-Pad and put his fingers on the pad . We felt he enjoyed. We showed his photos, his tennis ball . I combed his hair. When Appa tried to unknot his beard he showed displeasure. I spoke to him for a long time and he was listening. When he really wakes up he is going to be angry with me!! A volunteer from red-Cross came to see him with a get-well card signed by many. If the fever subsides, he will be shifted to Baltimore.His face looks clear. His left hand has become more flexible. The support for his left hand is ready and will be put on his hand tomorrow.Tomorrow we have to be there by 9 in the morning . I am too tired!!

Aug 7th: Today we went early to the hospital. Splint for his hands were ready. There are two parts. One is for the palm and other is for his forearm. Each will be put for an hour daily separately. Then it will stay for three hours. This will prevent his hand from curling. Then special shoes for his legs which will be put in the morning . This will strengthen his heels and he will not develop ballerina feet. They are very sophisticated and in Baltimore excellent physio will be done we are told. He was awake for a long time and was rolling his eyes both sides. When he swallows he has pain and he grimaces his face. His culture reports will come tomorrow and they want to shift him after that. Feel positive and Kumar will place me very soon.

Aug 7th:  Today he would be shifted to Baltimore. But the time is not fixed.Noinfection.Culture reports are normal. Kumar was awake the whole day. He moving his eyes in both the directions. Had good bowel movement . I talked to him for a long time. I tried putting drops of honey into his mouth. He tasted it but no reaction. His tongue must have lost the taste. Then suddenly in the evening  at 4;30 paramedics came and put him in the ambulance. It did not go fast since he is not in a critical state. It took more than two hours for them to reach since the traffic was too much. Appa came in Anandsaxena’s car. Kumar became un manageable and he was agitated. I had to hold his hand and I became unstable without the seat belt. Then when the ambulance reached Levindale ,the rehab  team was waiting for him there and at once all the monitors were on. The nurses and doctors are quite friendly. Then we found a hotel and I must thank Anand a lot. Very helpful and soft spoken. He called us once he reached his place. I spoke to the nurse from the hotel to find out how Kumar was. They were very cordial and told me I could call them at any time I want. Felt very very tired!! Slept well.

Aug9th: Kumar does not cough and no chest PT was done. They don’t monitor his pressure and when needed the cuff is put and noted. He is given medicine to prevent his heart rate going up when he agitates.Assessments are done on him and they will start working on him once they are over. We are told ENT doctor will come to examine his throat and they will try to make him come out of the vent. He is moving his eyes well and I found he moves it when I change my position. His left hand is not that curled and if aggressive physio is done it will come to the normal position. His fngers are not curled and we do lot of stretching for his fingers. From Monday lot of work will be done and we will also be involved. We now stay in the Hackerman-Patz House near the hospital. We can stay as long as we want. It is 50$ per day .The room is very good and there is a common kitchen with all the facilities.It is next to the hospital and we can come here for lunch. Everyone is very cordial and ready to help.Today when we were requesting public relation officer for the room,I broke down. I was sad to see tears in Appa’s eyes.My husband has a very strong will. He felt sorry for me . If we had not got the room , it would have been really impossible to run around without a vehicle. That hurdle got over. If Kumar can progress further that would be the best gift to me.

Aug 10th: Kumar looks better in the new environment. No cough and no chest PT done here. Pressure monitoring band is removed since his pressure is good. There is a TV infront of him and he looks at it. We show him his ID , photos , his I-Phone etc. I talk to him and Appa massages his fingers. I need to be more patient. It is head injury for him.He needs good shave. But he is on blood thinner  .So we can trim it using scissors.

Aug11: Today he moved his right leg. We felt happy. He looks around and rolls his eyes. When I call him he looks at me.I spoke to him in his ears. He shows pain on his face w hen we lift his legs suddenly. He must come out of vent. It is their priority. Tomorrow physio will start.

Aug12: Today the team came to see Kumar at one in the afternoon. They tested his response when his name was called, his eye movements from both directions, clapping, one eye was closed and when opened he moved his eyes. His legs were assessed and the shoes brought from Prince George were tried on him. Utmost care will be given to prevent his legs from drooping. Then he will develop walking on his toes . Then in the afternoon Dr.Anderson who leads therehab  team came. He said the best medicine was given in PG hospital and he is including one more to stimulate his brain. An x-ray of his left and right hands and his hip would be taken. He grimaces his face when his legs are stretched. It means he has pain. But pain is good and he must feel it the doctor told. The stiffness in the left arm is localized since there is temperature difference between the upper arm and the lower part. He said he has come out of the worst and we will look ahead for the best. Yesterday they gave him 9 points and when he scores 20 and a maximum of 23 he is awake fully. The doctor says he will obey commands. Yesterday ranga and his wife had come to see him. He was awake and looked at them. The doctor wants family photos to be put up on the wall. The room is very convenient and we are able to come for lunch in the afternoon.

Aug14: Kumar remained active and was awake most of the time. When they assessed him they found he was responding when they called his name. Splint was put on his arm for an hour. The X-ray shows no fracture and it is a localized bend which should become better with physio. He is moving his leg leg freely now. They tried to tell him to put his tongue out which is again a reflex action when one brushes his teeth. He did not. He rolls his eyes when we change our position of standing. But in the evening he had fever and culture tests are again done. They suspect urinary infection. In the night he had high fever we were told. Antibiotic was given and it came down. This is very common since he had brain injury. Appa has gone to his house to collect few things and also settle with the car. I will go at 10 to see him . We are not allowed before that.

Aug14: Kumar has fever followed by loose motion. Culture tests are done .Assessments are done on him by different teams. He responds to stimuli and he is showing response. His right leg moves very well and his skin is peeing giving way to new one. He moves his eyes when his name is called and tracks. The team says he responds to my voice very well.

Aug15: The reason for his fever is still not known. So to be on the safe side abdominal scan is going to be done. Dr.Anderson who is the head of the rehab team wants to do the Nuclear MRI of his left arm to rule out any calcification of the bone. There is temperature difference between his upper and lower arm. This is common for trauma patients. Once everything is clear, physio will be done in the hand without fear. His neuro stimulation dosage will be increased from next week. Today he was awake for a long time and responds to sound and stimulations. The bone scanning is fixed for 21st in Sinai hospital. Infectious disease specialist came from Sinai and said  kumar does not have any specific infection and the fever must be due to trauma which is very common. So he did not want any unnecessary abdominal scanning. His skin has become quite good and the old skin is peeling off.

Aug 16: Went at 9.45 and he was awake. The team came to evaluate him. He tracked well and turned his eyes in all directions. We had taken the print out of family photo and he was tracking them. We have bought a helium balloon with the message” Get well soon” and he looks at it. He must respond to commands . He sweats and has no fever. He was awake for the most of the time. I want to buy a battery operated tooth brush and stimulate him in the mouth. X-ray of the lung was taken and the trachea tube is replaced. Their priority is to wean him out of the vent. I am praying for it. The sores (2) on his back due to loose motion are superficial and will heal fast.

Aug17: Kumar does not have fever but sweats. All trauma patients sweat but kumar is a sweaty person. A fan is kept for him. His bottom sores are not bad and he has a small wound on his collar bone caused by the neck brace. It is healing. He has dry cough and has pain while swallowing. I told the nurse and the doctor prescribed some medicine. He responded to some stimuli but not to the commands. We talk to him and I told him all positive things. Here all find changes in him.

Aug18: Kumar is awake and was responding to our voice. We have stuck his picture taken with us on the wall. This was taken in Baltimore when we had visited him last year. He looks very handsome in that. He looks at   it and we show some more photos and he looks at them. VP,Radhika,Sai Patti , vaishali and Vaishnavi spoke to him through skype. Kumar saw them and they saw his eyes rolling so well. Appa massages his leg and hand regularly and Mohan today his left shows reflex action when his toe and other fingers are touched. He lifts his knee which he was not doing before. Respiratory therapist came and told he would be on C-Pap very soon. He breathes well. We will pray for that so that he would be off the vent soon. Now when the nurse brushes his teeth, he opens his mouth well and shows his tongue. All this may look trivial but not so it seems. They have significance. Then when asked to show his hand or squeeze he does it slowly. I put some opera songs on I-Pad for him. He was sleeping but his face showed lot of expression.

Aug19:Kumar is made to sit in the chair position by the physio therapist. We learnt how to do the exercise for his legs. His special shoes called Diana splint is put for two hours. He responds well to sound and light . He taught me how to stimulate him. Only one person must speak and must not repeat the question many times. There must be time gap of 10 seconds before we ask him. In the evening he started coughing and felt uncomfortable in any position. Then finally he calmed down.

Aug 20: Kumar is awake and looks fine. From tomorrow he will be on cpap and we pray he is out of the vent soon. His lungs are fine and he breathes well the respiratory therapist told. Today he responded to some commands like lift your hand, take it in your hand etc. He squeezes our hands when told but takes some time to do it. Wound specialist ( Hemavaradan) came to see him. His wounds at the back are superficial and are well taken care of. He coughed a lot in the morning but no phlegm comes and it is dry. Medicine is given for that. He felt good in the evening . Now he  is awake for long hours. I talked to him and reminisced. When Hema called him he responded and lifted his hand. I sang for him and played music on my I-pad. Chitra has sent 3 balloons . We inflated it ( the care taker is a wonderful person) and he has a helium cylinder . he got many photos printed and we have put them in his room. Tomorrow is the bone scan in Sinai at 9.45 am. We are too tired!!

Aug21: Kumar is taken to Sinai for bone scanning(nuclear MRI).It is just opposite to Levindale but the ambulance comes. He is terribly agitated and is sweating. First the left hand was scanned and it showed no calcification. Then dye is injected and he has to wait for three hours for it to go to all parts. It is impossible to calm him and he kicks his right leg and hand and is sweating profusely. The respiratory therapist is with us and the lady forgot to bring her jacket and feels very cold. Appa got soup for her !!In the mean time at 1.45 we had the family counseling at levindale. So I went to room ,had my lunch and went for the meeting. The doctor briefed me about his progress which he considers good. Their aim is to make him come to near normalcy. As I already told each patient is different and we must wait patiently. Then I went back to Sinai and we returned at 5 in the evening. Appa got lunch for the therapist who is a very sweet lady and is very positive about kumar’srecovery.Appa had no lunch till 5 in the evening. Then they changed his dress which was drenched. He was mouthing a lot which is a reflex action to say something.

Aug22: The result has come and  there is a probable heterotopic bone in both hips- right more than left which may be due to injury. This can be set right by medicine and physio. Yesterday he was made to sit on his bed. He got scared and caught hold of the bed .This response they wanted. His head was moving properly but he was terribly scared. He moved his right leg and the therapist wanted him to kick with his leg. He is too tired. He is slowly getting strength in his right hand and is able to hold objects. He is able to squeeze with strength. We played his favourite film song “Anbeva” and he listened to it!!

Mohan,he sings this song very well and it brought back nostalgic memories to me and I cried . VP saw him over the skype and Kumar saw all the family members with his eyes tracking.He is on cpap and by the grace of God must come out of vent soon.    

Aug23: today when the team came to assess him, he responded to some commands. When his beard was pulled he got agitated and raised his hand. So he responds to stimuli. He was responding to audio visual (I-Pad). When his favourite song was played from the movie, he was seeing with rapt attention. It is a beautiful song “ Anbevamunbeva” . Kumar sings it very well. Then when his leg was lifted to some height, he screamed( they removed the air from the throat tube ) and we could hear it clearly. He tracks well and turns head when asked to look out. He mouths a lot. He does not need antibiotic and I pray he remains free from any infection. He is doing well on CPAP.

Aug24: His pickline is going to be removed since he is not on any antibiotic. Doing well on CPAP and will be out of vent very soon. Then he will be on oxygen and monitored and if he does well they will plug the tube. His right hand movement is now better controlled. His left hand requires real working. Now and then he mouths a lot and we talk to him. Appa talks to him softly and massages him and shows his love. It is touching to see him placing his hand on his face and he kisses it. Monday he will be made to sit in the wheel chair. Assessment will be done by the physio people before that.

Aug25:Kumar looks fresh and he squeezes the arm for nurse and doctors. He is more attentive and responds to sound and light well. Any command must be clear, soft and we must wait for the reply. The same question must not be asked over and over again. He responds . The pick line is removed and so his left arm is free now. We stretch it as told by the physio and it is sretching well. We put the cotton splint . He has a special splint for his arm and hand which must be put for three hours daily. Today we were afraid to put since the physio did not come . (week end). We will learn to put it properly . This is a special splint and today we got confused. After the physio is done on his leg we do three to four times a day. His right hand is becoming more functional and he is able to hold things now firmly. We take good care of his joints and do the necessary stretching .we are never idle. We massage his hand and leg .Today his friend Ananth and Shivaji had come to see him. I went with them and bought an electric shaver .Appa shaved him and I helped him. Kumar looks good now. He was sweating a lot with his beard. Now he looks fine. Tomorrow assessment will be done and they will make him sit then. He is doing well on cpap.

Aug26: Today he is made to sit on a wheel chair for nearly three hours. He could sit but his head stead was too narrow and it is difficult for a person who had been in the bed for so long to keep his head in position that long. He was turning his head but could sit without any problem. After the shave he looks good. He tries to take out his tongue but not outside . He is awake for long hours.

Aug27: Today he was made to sit on the bed with the physio giving him support for his back. He sat for half an hour. When his left arm was stretched he screamed and we could hear his voice. Clearly. He was stimulated in his mouth with brush,battery operated tooth brush( I had brought) etc. He followed commands like squeezing the arm and following sounds. In the afternoon he was again stimulated with ice. When I pull his beard, he raises his left arm to show his anger. Like that they want him to remove the ice bag which is kept on his face when they stimulate him. He does not do that. He got used to cold packs which were kept on his fore head when he used to have fever in Prince George hospital.When he coughs, we can now hear his voice. His left hand is getting stretched and the splint is put for three hours daily. He has the special  shoes on for three hours.

Aug28,29: Kumar is made to sit in the wheel chair. For three hours. He is not feeling uncomfortable . When his name is called he looks around. He is aware. Now he opens his mouth fully for brushing. Yesterday he was taken out of the hospital for half an hour. Doing well on oxygen. We stimulate him in many ways. I put the battery operated tooth brush on his face. We massage him. I pull his beard and in anger he raises his arm. If he is surrounded by many family members it would be good. Appa melts sitting next to him. We both talk to him in a positive way.

Aug30; Today is his assessment day. So he is not on wheel chair. At one the team came and stimulated him.When his beard was pulled he became angry and lifted his hand. Then when his right leg was pressed he literally pushed away the hand of the therapist and pinched her. Then ice was kept on his chest and he reacted by lifting his hand. Hair on his chest was massaged and he cried with pain and uttered “Amma”. But he does not pop out his tongue or open his mouth when asked. Some commands he does not obey. Then the music therapist came and played on guitar and sang with it. Then he has some more instruments and made sounds near his near and he tracked. Then he has some swelling on his left hand and technician from Sinai came and did sonography and X-ray. No clots were seen and the X-ray report will come today. He is able to lift his head on his own.Yesterday when we were speaking to him, he was little agitated and was lifting his head. He is shifted to another room where there is less monitoring since he has improved. Vent is taken out and he is on oxygen tank and he will be out of it soon. Praying and the whole day we have some work or the other with his leg, hand etc. We also do the exercise for his legs and hands, talk to him, play on the music, stimulate him and massage him.

Aug31: Today Chitra, Pons and Bhairavi came at one in the afternoon. She had brought lot of food items. Kumar was very active and was holding Chitra’s hands. He was mouthing a lot and tried to lift his head many times. Chitra and Pons felt lot of improvements in him. He is doing well on oxygen and the vent machine is removed. His left hand swelling is not increasing and I put ice pack.If he talks something it would be good.

Sep1: Today when I stimulated him by pulling his beard, he said something but we could not understand. We made him see the laptop and stimulated him in many ways. He takes pen from Appa’s shirt and holds it. I wish he opens in a big way. He mouths a lot and when the brush is given takes it near his mouth. The coordination must come.

Sep;2,3 Considerable changes in Kumar. He presses his lips and takes the brush when I try to brush him.Brings his tongue out to lick his lips. When his beard was pulled he removed my hand and got very angry. He tried to talk by blowing lot of air and was trying to convey for nearly half hour. Then he caught hold of my hand and touched me and my neck. He holds the pen the way he writes(he has a special way hope you have noticed). Then first he opens the ball pen with his thumb which is his own way. When Appa shows the pen in his pocket and  bends down he sees it and removes it. Then yesterday the team came to evaluate him. He got angry when ice was kept on his chest andhe removed it. When he was made to sit in the wheel chair, he told “ Mudiyalai”. The lady is a Tamilian and spoke to him in Tamil. He told that in his lips and we heard it clearly. If he can use his left hand he would feel very comfortable. Kumar is waking up. He was saying a lot but we are not able to understand it. So when I told him to say loudly he tried and said but not clear. He will talk very soon.

Sep 4: Kumar is made to stand. His left legs are fine. But they were monitoring his pressure was fluctuating since he was moving. There is a machine and he was strapped and he stood and could keep his hands for support. Now when made to sit on the bed he is not falling down, but needs support  for his back. But soon he will have the strength . Once he starts eating he will be fine. He is mouthing a lot. When the respiratory therapist asked him “Who are you?” he repeated the same. Then he called out “ Appa” and Appa was really moved. He tried to speak but we could not understand. He is able to take the brush to his mouth and holds things in his hands,. They want him to take the objects which he is able to. Then he held the pen and pressed it and wrote from left to right but not legibly.He opened his I-Phone cover and took out the phone. He removed the plaster when he saw it on the table. All these are signs to show he is becoming aware.

Sep5: Today is Kumar’s day. He presses his lips, wipes his face with a cloth, take s the brush to his mouth and takes chapstick to his lips. All this will acquire perfection when he sits properly. Then when lemon and glycerinelollypos were kept in his mouth he said the taste was not good. When she asked what he liked he told”Honey”.When his beard was pulled he said” I am not a “ then it was not clear. He slapped her hand. He sat on the wheel chair and was comfortable. Then the music therapist came and played on his guitar the composition of “YannTierson” . He asked him the name and Kumar said it . There were many people in the room. Then he completed the words for a song when he stopped and asked Kumar to say it. This he repeated many times. Then when the therapist asked him if he wanted to continue he said “No”. Then he pressed the keys on his key board. Then Mohan after this he was talking loudly and they put the speaking box on. He was talking about “ Star wars” and continued. Now we understand. David(Music therapist) asked him in which movie this song was used. He remembered it after he went and was talking loudly. Kumar is going to wake up fully soon. I told him if he kept his hips in that way he would have hips like Salakshipatti. He smiled!!. He is now listening to music now. I asked him if he liked strawberry flavor or lemon he said strawberry. Next I asked if he liked the former two or honey he said honey!!

Sep 6,7: Kumar is breathing on his own. The tubes are removed and the tube is plugged. His oxidation is monitored and it is 100%. It is enough if he is above 92% it seems. He is becoming more aware and is talking. Sometimes the words are clear. Yesterday when Dr.Anderson came he was looking at Appa’s Visitor card.The doctor said he is now aware and no need to ask him anything . Then the other therapists evaluated him. Now his score has gone up.Today he was made to stand. There is a  special bed and he was made to lie on it. He was strapped to it. Then it is tilted and his pressure is monitored. He was not feeling dizzy and in the standing position maintained his head in an erect position. Usually those who have been in bed for two months feel dizzy. But he became very angry and agitated. He read out the name of the wound specialist, her designation and where she works!! Then he talked so much but the clarity has to come. Some words are very clear. He is emerging by the grace of God. His left hand is going to be taken seriously now. Once he is more aware physio will be done.

Sep 8,9: Kumar is gradually improving. He is able to name things and also take them in his hand when given and gives them back. He is able to scratch his nose, eyes, and head . His hand is reaching them. Tooth brush – he takes to his mouth, comb to his hair and glasses to his eyes. He wipes his face when given a towel. His hand grip is very firm and strong. His left hand is well taken care of. There is a metallic spint for three hours daily and for the rest of the time he has soft spints on his left hand and knee . For knee soft splints are put so that both the knees will not touch each other and get bruised. For his hip I keep pressing by putting lot of pressure so that they don’t develop a curve. His left hand fingers are straightened periodically so that he does not curl them.

Sep 10: Kumar is out of tube in his trachea. Everyone felt happy for him. His oxidation is 100% after the tubes are removed. His lungs are fine by the grace of God. Some pessimistic doctors in Prince George hospital told it would be difficult for kumar to be out of ventilator. There is a small hole in his throat which will get closed on its own. There is a dressing on it. We took him out in the wheel chair. He answered the questions the music therapist asked him – like Beethoven, c-sharp, moonlight sonata etc. he thinks for a while and answers. Again he completed the words of a song.His score has gone up.Ranga with his wife came to the hospital. Nurse Jolly had come with her friend with lots of food and other eatables. This is her third visit and every time she brings loads of food items.

Sep 11: Kumar is made to stand using the special  bed. He was comfortable. Then he was put on the wheel chair and we took him out. It was very hot. He is obsessed with his two fingers which have black scabs. All the other nails have become fine. One nail on the ring finger is going to fall.He must know to speak loudly which comes by some training they say. He is doing very well and hence is going to be given acute rehab very soon.

Sep 12,13: Kumar was little dull on 11th and 12th due to the increase in dosage of baclofen which is given to stretch his muscles in his left arm. So his attending doctor told Dr.Anderson to decrease the dosage. Yesterday he did well when he was assessed. He sat on the wheel chair and was comfortable. We took him out and he was very comfortable. Lot of exercise for his leg and hand are taught to us. We are doing it and his legs stretch well and he no longer feels the pain in his hip. The splint and the medicine are working well on his left arm. He has a soft splint on his hand for most of the time and has the Dyna splint for three hours daily. When it is taken out we stretch his arm and I keep cold pack( His hand swells but it is not due to any reason. Tests have been done). He is looking after his hair cut and shave. He had an appointment at 11 on 12th and he looks very handsome. The saloon is in the hospital and he sat for nearly 20 minutes without shaking. He saw himself on the mirror.

Sep 14: Kumar is active and we took him out on wheel chair. It was cold outside the hospital and so we did not go out of the hospital. We were in the lobby and took him to the second floor and showed him birds. Then my brother spoke and Kumar said “ Hello” in clear voice. He spoke loudly some words and spoke some in a whisper. We keep telling him to speak loudly. His friends came to see him. He saw them but did not speak to them. The hole in the throat is closed leaving a very small scar which is not visible. It is amazing how the body heals!! We put dina splint for three hours and did all the exercise and left at 8.15.

Sep15,16: 15th being Saturday lean staff in the hospital. He sat on wheel chair and was quite comfortable. There is an old lady with red hair who plays on piano regularly. She asked kumar if he wanted any particular piece and he said something which I could not understand. Then she played some wedding piece( She has only right arm) and he listened to it. He says “yes” and “no” when he is asked and if he has mood utters words. He said the flood is in Colorado clearly. We need lot of patience. We put the hand splint ( we have learnt) .Today physio was done on him and we also do after that. He was on wheel chair for three hours with the Diana splint on his leg which are heavy. We took him out when there was some sun shine ( twice we took him out right outside the hospital). Then it became cloudy and so we brought him inside. We put on his jacket and covered his legs with a shawl. Once we were in he never wanted the jacket and so we had to remove. He was assessed by the therapists. Hereads their I-cards but sometimes he does not want to read other things. Kumar and Kelly were written. She asked which one was his name. He pointed but did not want to read Kelly. Then when I asked he whispered “Kelly”. Some objects when shown he will not bother to identify. He told your name clearly. They wanted to test his voice. He was given ice chips to swallow which he did. He ground it and took some time to swallow. When ice water was given he sucked through straw and swallowed quickly. They want to try this for a couple of days and give food. He had a call from Red Cross. He answered in English clearly. He spoke to Chitra properly. Not long sentences but crisp ones. He spoke to my mother. But when she asked some questions he did not answer but said “ Hmm”. But when I told him how the floor stinks of shit smell ( owing to the protein food) he laughs!!  Acute rehab will start soon and I pray he becomes strong soon to sit on his own and learn to go to bed without any assistance.

Sep 17: Today he was made to do the weight bearing exercise and he could tolerate upto 55 degrees without his pressure going up. Then he was put on the wheel chair and he was quite comfortable. In the afternoon when he was given room temperature water he drank it so fast and had to cough many times which is good it seems. It will not enter the lungs. He swallowed ice easily. He told he would like tomato juice, orange juice and would like guava fruit.

Sep 18: Today Kumar was not active maybe due to the medicine. He was put in the wheel chair and he was quite comfortable. But he was not responding to any question the therapists asked. He ate three spoons of apple sauce and could swallow properly.But when he drinks water he gulps fast and then coughs. We showed the keyboard and he pressed the keys for more than 15 mts. His right hand does not shake that much and he is able to lift it up well .Tomorrow more physio will be done .

Sep 19: today Kumar was made to sit on the bed. Two therapists came and the one who is tall and hefty held him from behind and the other held his legs together. Then he was given a push and was made to touch his leg with his right hand. He cried and said he would not be able to but did it. Then when he was left without any support he tried to sway but was pushed side wise so that his hip got rotation. They did not allow him to take support of the bed and  told him to hold the railing of the bed. This was done for more than half an hour and his pressure was monitored. It was good. Then after this he was put on the chair. Before that they assessed him by asking questions and he was given the apple sauce . He was given the spoon and he ate it himself. His swallowing is good. Kumar never swallows without chewing. Even the apple sauce which is like a paste was chewed well by him. So he will not choke or the food will not enter the lung.

Sep 20: Today Kumar was very active and spoke more using his voice. He said the names of the months, 1to 10 in his loud voice, read out words from the book I showed him, read out from his paper “ Ann Foundation” and the sentences on the bulletin board. He was assessed and was given the apple sauce. He ate two spoons and said “ Enough”. He was put on chair and we took him out. When Vibhu and Priya had come he nodded his head when they said “ Hello”. When the music therapist came Kumar completed the words of the song in his loud voice. Then he repeated the beats he showed on his drum. He spoke to you. He listened to lot of music- many good tamil movie songs and lot of symphony. He likes Shankar Mahadevan  -tamil play back singer and told me to put his songs. Sometimes he will be in his world but now he does not get that agitated. We have brought his track suit and he wears when he is out in the chair. The therapists want us to bring his shoes which he can wear when he sits and stands.

Sep 21: Today Kumar  was very active and was awake till 8 pm. . He spoke to Ganesh mama, Vasumamiand  Arun and to Venkatesh . He identified Mukhari raga and read few lines from the pamphlet of Ann Foundation. He read words inTamil& Hindi also  .. .Ponnusamy wrote OM NAMASIVAYA on NOTICE Board . He sat for 2 hours in the wheel chair .. Doctor showed two fingers and Kumar said it as two correctly . Then I sang his favourite song and he identified the raga as “Mukhari”. He told the physio therapist he would prefer Mexican food. He listened to lot of music and I read out a short story to him. It was very silly and he said he did not want another story. He read out very fast when I showed him “Ann foundation” brochure. We keep telling him about his house in kennedy street. He says he would go there. We have a family meeting on Monday. Kumar’s left hand is the topic of discussion. The doctor wants it to become straight soon.

Sep 22: Today Appa went to Kumar’s house to get his shoes and jacket. GopuAthimber’s brother’s son-in-law had come to take him . He is a wonderful person. I went at 9 to the hospital. We both saw the movie “Titanic” and kumar told the name of the movie when I told him it is about a ship and he also told the name of the hero and heroine . He read out the entire instruction sheet kept on the notice board for the nurse. It had contact number and he read the numbers correctly.When I asked him the full name of his guide he told “Inderjit”. He sat on the wheel chair and felt comfortable. He wore his tracksuit and shoes and he looked good. It was pleasant outside and we were out of the room for two hours. He spoke to you and he also read out what was written on mouth wash.

Sep 23,24: He is awake the whole day and is talking. He was made to sit and was made to write. He wrote “K” and probably signed his name. He answered the questions and had apple sauce. He sat on chair and was comfortable. He reads very fast and listened to good music.Yesterday (24) he was made to stand using the special bed. He tolerated upto 75 degrees but felt like puking. His pressure was good . He cleared the swallow test and tasted soft and hard items. Barium meal was mixed in the food and he swallowed carefully after proper chewing. He reads correctly but very fast.

Sep25: He talks more with all the nurses. Today he asked for fruit  . He mentioned banana. He ate thick orange juice and grain biscuits. He spoke well and I made him read a book and he read it correctly. He read the words I wrote in Tamil. But today in the wheel chair he was sliding. The chair is not comfortable and he sat for too long since the nurses were not there. We listened to music and I talked to him. His left hand is improving with the medicine.

Sep 26: Kumar is active. I made him read the book on animals ( Very informative) . He read it perfectly . We must tell him not to read fast. Appa had to go with Ranga uncle to collect the money lying with police. But it will take some more time. So I took Kumar out in the wheel chair. He was very comfortable. He has fully emerged out of coma. His score is 21/23. The doctor is very glad but is concerned about his left hand. He was talking about baclofen medicine being given in small doses through a pump which will be implanted in his abdomenThe medicine will go to his nerves directly. Implant has side effects like infection. An expert from Sinai is going to see Kumar soon. I asked him many questions like 1.Opposites of some common words.2. In Tamil I said some words  and he said the equivalent in English. Then music therapist made him sing some tunes. He sang “Do,re….” along with him. He did some beats with the rod following his instruction. This is for his motor ability. The shake in his right hand is becoming less. He has good grip and strength. He ate half banana and cranberry juice.He ate using the spoon with some help from the therapist. He is able to identify different objects in English. The names of months, days of week, numbers …. He says correctly.

Sep 27: He scored 22/23 and will go for acute rehab very soon. He reads correctly and numbers are read out correctly. He smiles and nods and says what he wants. We took him out in wheel chair and he sat properly without sliding. He now has splint on his legs and hand for three hours. He read the paper. He told me he feels weak. Today he had tomato soup ( thick) . From next week he will get solid food.

Sep 28,29: Weekend .So we put the hand splint on kumar . He was quite active. Told the opposites, plural and we played some game involving tables. Kumar did well . He read out from the book I had taken. When lines are close he slurs and  makes mistakes. When he sits and concentrates more he will be able to read properly. We took him out in the evening and he was sitting properly. Now he does not slide. His hip is coming back to normal shape and he does not tilt his hip. We took him to our room. When he is interested he says “ Hello” to others. We can’t force him to say. I wrote to him many sentences and he read out perfectly and clearly in loud voice. A simple Bodmas problem was asked and he told the correct answer. Today being Sunday Jolly with her daughter visited us with lot of foodstuff. She saw Kumar and told his recovery is remarkable and three months  is too short a time for brain injury. Doctors in prince George Hospital are happy for Kumar. Before we left his room Kumar spoke some sentences in English. We made him read from the book.

Sep30: Kumar has his hand splint which he detests. He shut himself with the therapist. He had an appointment with a neuro physician from Sinai at 11 in the morning. He told his name to the doctor and said his appa has come with him. He did not tell my name!!! He read out the name of the doctor. When she asked him to lift his leg and hand he did. When she asked him if he had pain anywhere in the body he said” No” and finally said “Bye” to the doctor. She said he does not require any specific test now since he is doing well and is showing improvement. Also he has started eating his food. Then when the speech therapist came to feed him he ate properly . He ate using the spoon ( she helped him a little). Kumar is able to take the spoon to his mouth but his hand still shakes . This will become fine in due course. He read out the items he wants to eat to her. He reads correctly but when there the lines are close he reads fast and slurs. He sat on the chair and we went out.

Oct1: Kumar got terribly agitated and started screaming. His finger tips were burning . We were afraid and called the doctor. She suggested an ointment . He was made to stand . He looks tall since he has lost weight. His pressure was good when he stood. He answered questions  like –His name, numbers, his surname , his height etc. Then the speech therapist came and gave cookies and thickened water. He had cream of rice and cranberry juice for breakfast. I fed him and he ate well. For lunch he got baked beans and the same cranberry juice. In the night he got pasta and cranberry and orange juice. Kumar likes juices . He will be getting acute therapy from this Friday. His attending rehab doctor Anderson came to our room and told this. This is okayed by his physician Dr. El Sayed. Today I made him read more and he did well. !5 x 8 –he answered at once. Appa showed him News from the I-pad. We put music.

Oct 2,3: Kumar is made to sit on a chair. He sits without much problem. His legs need to become more strong. Then he will be able to stand on his own. He gets food three times a day. He reads but when lines are very close he slurs. So I put my fingers and make him read. We do the stretching of his legs and hands. His classmates Ananth and Teja came. Kumar asked them how everything was and told them to come again. They took me to Giant stores and I bought some items. They had got some food items for me. Kumar will go for acute rehab.

Kumar got very agitated when he his hand got stuck in the handle of the wheel chair and became very tired and had spasms. So he was taken to Sinai hospital for checkup in ambulance. All his vitals were very good and he obeyed the commands there. CT-scan was taken and it was clear. So he was sent back at once.

Oct 4: Kumar is fine Today is the last day of the week for assessment for the coma rehab after which he will go for acute rehab. He did well. I had made pongal, rasam and palakraita for him. He ate along with the hospital food. He feels hungry .he gets juices daily. In the night I had made soup and he had it with boiled spinach and apple juice.

Oct 5: Today he is taken to the gym and his hand was stretched. He will have good team working for him. They will make him sit,stand and walk .Physically he is improving. Also stubborn!! I apply olive oil and massage his arms and legs.

Oct 6: Kumar feels the hunger .Today I had taken soup, Poli,and spinach raita. He ate it along with the hospital food of mashed potato and juice. The physio lady came and made kumar sit on the bed and stand. He stood 5 times and twice he put his own effort to stand. He spoke a lot in English . Most of it was clear and perfect. Then another physio(Dara) came and stretched his arm. Kumar got agitated and after some time calmed. He had his lunch ( Beans!!) and juice. I had brought yoghurt, orange jello and sauce.( Thick pudding). I made him read  and we showed his research paper. Lot of processing goes on in his mind . Tomorrow his acute rehab starts. For the last two days he has been assessed.

Oct 7,8: Kumar is taken to the gym in wheel chair and made to stand using a machine. He became little dizzy after some time . He was wet and felt uncomfortable. Then he was made to sit and rest for some time. Then the rehab doctor how the insurance does not support acute rehab but subacute can be managed. We told him that we would prefer the same place since we stay close to the hospital.Today (8) he had his standing exercise in the gym. He tolerated for 25 mts. If his left hand is in good condition he would have done even better. The physio therapists feel Bortox is the best option. Kumar must cooperate for the stretching.Our friend jolly had come in the evening to see us. She brought the entire giant market to our house.

Oct 9: Kumar is taken to the gym and made to stand using a machine. He was transferred from the wheel chair to the machine using a strap. Then his legs were strapped lest he would  raise them. He stood but started feeling giddy and wanted to vomit. He puked a bit. Then he was made to rest but his pressure was normal but the heart rate was a bit high. Then again they tried to make him walk but that had too many strappings  and he did not cooperate. There are simpler ways to make him walk. Then he was made to sit on a chair which he did well and was passing on things to many present there. He bent forward to give things. Then his left hand was stretched using hot pad. He spoke a lot to the speech therapist. He gets food three times a day. I also take some home made items which he eats . He has started feeling hungry. He is given anti flu shot for safety.

Oct 10: Today the machine was brought to his room and he was made to stand which he obeyed without any fuss. He sat on the bed without support and bent forward to hold on to the table . He is able to balance himself. Now the therapists understood he needs a calm room without much distraction and stimulation. The gym was too overwhelming for him who had had a bad brain injury. We were made to sit outside and they closed the room and did the physio. Now he is transferred to the nursing facility with rehab. The room is big and independent and the physio is very good we are told. Tomorrow he will be evaluated by the team . So they don’t want any noise or distraction. So we will sit outside. He is talking well in English and responds to people. Now he is becoming aware of his left hand and allows me to stretch it .he has a splint on it. I also put olive oil and massage it. He has a pressure wound on the left elbow . Wound specialist comes and dresses it .I sing and ask him the raga or the missing words. He tells them when he is listening to it. Today he sang  theline.Kumar is shifted to the nursing care unit with sub acute care. The room no is 110.

Oct 11: Kumar is assessed  by the therapists. He spoke well the speech therapist but did not cooperate with the physio. He was put on wheel chair  first. Then at one in the afternoon the physio came. His colleaguesanantsaxena and Graham had come to see him. He spoke well to them. He was over stimulated and the team being new he shut himself. He speaks to all the nurses., wishes them and reads out their names. But he gets very angry if I ask him the same question repeatedly. He gets goos food and I also bring healthy items from our room.

Oct 12: Week end. No physio. But we do a lot of stretching for his legs and hand. I have learnt to clean him when he wets or passes motion. Today I wrote some numbers and asked him to tick the even. He ticked with a pen. This may look trivial.But very important for a brain injured boy – to  obey instruction and respond. He reads and identifies items when asked. He spoke to VP, radhika, Vaishali ,vaishnavi and Patti. My wish is he sits and stands on his own soon and his left hand stretches fast.

Oct 13: Physio therapist Dara came in the afternoon and made him sit on the bed and then stand. His pressure drops down when he sits and stands and hence feels little dizzy. This is very normal it seems. Kumar works well with her. Dara is a wonderful person with lot of energy. She is very tall and has a daughter with multiple problems. She is very strong and fit and loves Kumar. We also stretched his legs and arm and put on the splint on his left hand.

Oct 14: Kumar was made to sit on the chair  for two hours. Then the occupational therapist made him sit on the bed . Then he had his lunch and the speech therapist came and worked with him. He was answering well I was told. But he shuts sometimes and will not respond. This is common in brain injured persons it seems. You must give some time for them . This is called rest time. Then the physio came. He was taken to the gym  in wheel chair and made to cycle which he did for 10 to 13 minutes. Then he was brought to the room . He was made to sit on the edge of the bed .he tries to go back . Still the balance has to come. They say it comes with practice. It appears Botox is the final solution. Dr. Anderson ( rehab doctor) has already spoken to the doctor in Sinai and he would come to evaluate Kumar’s hand in a day or two. Kumar answers correcltly when I ask simple problems in mathsand I have checked him incidentally in other topics also. I pray he sits and stands fast. His weight is increasing. He is now 117 pounds. He was 112 last week. He gets very good food and I also bring from our room nice home made items. He takes plenty of fruits and vegetables.

Oct 15,16: Kumar eats his breakfast by the time we go. It is spread before his bed and he eats with some assistance. He has a routine  -physio at 9 in the morning and then he will be on the wheel chair till 12.30. then the speech therapist comes at one in the afternoon and this goes upto two. He answers well ans she has made him open up . She corrects him when he tries to speak fast.He gets good food and added to that I bring dates, raisins and juices from our room. I make him read and ask some simple problems in maths. There was puppet show and I asked him who a ventriloquist was and he answered correctly. I also asked him what a mirage was. He said the correct answer. I have checked him in many ways and I am convinced he remembers. I told him about his accident and how he was saved on that day.

Oct 17: Hemavaradhan( wound specialist) and Dara came in the morning and made him sit on the bed and stand. He responded well. They speak to him in a very convincing way and in a soft tone. Then the sessions started and he did pretty well. Once he becomes familiar with the therapists he would do well. Repeated telling will make them obey commands. We keep telling him in a positive way how he must do well in the physio session. For his left hand Dr.Anderson is thinking of adding one more medicine to reduce the stiffness. Today Kumar spoke to the doctor how he did not favour any toxic injections. Today I asked him the simple identities and he answered at once.I  asked the names of items in our room and he told them.One or two he did not tell but told after I prompted. Appa showed his laptop and he was seeing his mails. On July 2nd he had gone to Upper Marlborough for his piano class. His teacher Nicholas Pellontold us. Kumar looks better after he has started eating. He gets plenty of juice, soups, cheese,cakes , pasta, vegetables etc. I also take some items. We stretch his legs and arm and I apply olive oil.

Oct 18,19: Kumar is getting very good food and he is able to eat on his own with some guidance. Now he is allowed to drink water after meals. Sometimes we bring coffee for him. He gets plenty of fruit juices and vegetables. He is now not getting agitated when physio is done. He does not sweat and hence his pressure is not monitored when physio is done. He talks in sentences and does not talk in his mouth. He was doing that before. I wish he is able to tell when he wants to piss . He knows when he gets motion since he has to put pressure. We clean him most of the times since the number of nurses are less. Today (19) Dara came specially for kumar to do physio. She is not his PT but she likes him a lot and hence comes in between to make him sit and stand and do other exercises. Kumar cooperates with her. She is a marvel and motivates him a lot. Today he was made to sit on the bed many times and made to stand. Standing requires   lot ofweight bearing and today Kumar tried to stand erect . This she says will come by practice. Tomorrow she managed for physio( Kumar gets 5 times a week therapy) for him. Dara is very popular here. Today in the evening he sat on the wheel chair and we took him out . It was cold and hence we had to come back.

Mohan, one needs lot of patience with him. His left hand gets stretched if  he puts effort. But he does not though he says he would. After repeated begging he would do it!! He gets the pulling feeling  - but it does not pain it seems. Before we left I stretched his arm well and applied olive oil and massaged well. Then I put hot water and he felt good. His legs were oiled and stretched well. Kumar is gaining the lost weight slowly. We keep motivating him and Appa tells everything in a very positive way . Kumar listens to him and obeys him when he requests him to stretch!! In the evening I went to my room and made Dosa . I gave him with sambhar and he told me over the phone he wanted coffee also!!

Oct 20,21,22: Saturday (20) Dara came to do physio. Kumar responds well to her. She managed to get physio therapy for Kumar on Sunday.(he gets only 5 times a week). Now slowly he is getting used to the schedule and has started co-operating with them. Today (Tuesday 22) he was made to walk between parallel bars. This is done with great care.Therapists will follow him with the wheel chair behind and one will be in the front. I never go to see him since my palpitation goes high. He responds well to the speech therapist. His food from the hospital is good and Kumar likes it.

Oct 23: Today he sat and stood in the gym. We came very early here. I bring dates, badam, dried grapes, soup etc. Kumar does not waste anything. In the evening he got physio and she made him sit  and stand. Tomorrow Dara has promised me to do more physio for Kumar.

Oct 24: He is doing better these days with the physio therapists. I never go to see since my heart rate goes up. I made him write and he is able to sign and write. It will get perfected with practice. The speech therapist gave him ice cream and he ate it properly. Then I gave him too many things like yoghurt, juice, fruits and smoothie and he vomited in the night. He was belching  and did not want to eat. I brought some kanji which he ate only three spoons and before we could bring the tub he made a big mess twice. We cleaned it ( Not easy!!). Utterly tired.Appa has bad back ache.

Oct 25: Physio in the room was done. In the morning my friend Hema came and made him sit on the bed edge.It is difficult to put dress for him since his left hand is stiff. I gave him sponge bath. When he is in mood he stretches his left arm. It goes down upto 120 degrees. But it is very difficult to make him do.  We must be very patient. I motivated him and Appa literally begged him. Then I showed some photos and he agreed to stretch . He answered to the speech therapist and talked to her in sentences. Then today he played on the small keyboard which my friend gave. One of the scabs on his finger has fallen and the other with the nail is going to fall.Today I was careful when he was given food. I did not dump him.

Oct 26,27 Being week end no physio for Kumar. We stretched his arms and legs. His right pointing finger nail is going to fall soon. I make him talk more . He played on the keyboard . I showed him research paper . We played some word game. His friends ( Ananth and Shivaji had come to see him. He spoke to them. They took us to CVS pharmacy and we had our flu shots. (31$ per person). They had got some items like curd, juice etc for us. Today (Sunday) he sat on wheel chair . Jolly came to see us with her friend Trisamma and her husband Paul. 23 years ago this couple lost their sons aged 11,12 in a car accident. They were happy to see kumar’s progress. They had brought many items along with a freshly baked pineapple cake. I gave Kumar one piece. Today he kept his left arm stretched. It is improving.

Oct 28: Had physio. Could  have done better. He was closing his eyes in between and shutting himself. But his sitting on the edge of the bed has improved. Appa had gone to collect the money from the police. On July 2nd Kumar had gone to give the money to his piano teacher and met with the accident. Appa came back at 2 in the afternoon.

Oct 29: Had physio. Walked in parallel bar twice. He gets tired and shuts. His finger nail fell down when he tried to open a box. Lot of blood came and the wound specialist was informed. In the night a bandage was put. Some doctors told it would take one year for it to heal!! He has sensation in all the finger tips. All the doctors were wrong.Finally,I brought him home, made alooparantha and he ate it with curd. So now he can have hard food also. So far he has been getting mechanical soft food. He also cleared the water test. Now he can have thin liquids.

Oct30: He did not want to walk in the parallel bar. He must not be over stimulated in the morning. Then he shuts. His left arm is still stiff. It is very difficult to put the shirt for him. It is getting stretched but he keeps it stiff. I wish he gets the awareness of his left arm and starts stretching on his own. He tests our patience. He does very well with the speech therapist. Today I spoke to him in a low and calm tone and told him how much we love him. He played on the small keyboard and watched the Wimbledon men’s final match. I sang for him and he told the ragam when I told the first letter.He gets irritated when I ask him to read or when I stretch his arm. He will scream.

Oct 31: Mohan has come . He visited Kumar in the hospital before he came to our room. Physio goes on and the splnt is put on his hand.

Nov1,: Kumar does well in physio. Walked on parallel bar twice. Daily we go and give his breakfast. He responds well to Mohan. Mohan has his ways of asking him questions.Now he sits on the wheel chair without sliding.

Nov2: Dara came and put on the hand splint. Kumar was in pain. Dennis , her husband and her son had come to see us. They brought lot of food items and sweets for Diwali. Kumar spoke to them. Kumar ‘s left hand stretches . He stretches on his own when he wants to. Saw “Up” and “Cars” movies.

Nov 3: Being Sunday no physio. Mohan made him sit on the side of the bed. He massaged his back. Dara told how to do it. Lot of stretching for his hand was done by Mohan. Sat on chair. Likes black coffee. Mohan made him write on the I-Pad. Kumar responds to Mohan well. I feel happy to see him answering to his brother. Now he stretches his left leg on his own.Saw “Toys” movie.

Nov 4: Did well in gym. Mohan stretched his left arm in the morning. Then in the afternoon he went out to see the city. He came back at 5 in the evening. No speech therapy today. Sat on the chair. Then Mohan brought the  game and made him do the pattern. From today his tube feed stops. He was given “ Ensure” – milk with nutrients.

Nov 5,6,7: The splint is put on his hand everyday and a separate small splint for his fingers. Kumar hates the one for his fingers. On 6th he had physio in the afternoon. But he did not walk. He is able to sit on the bed and stand with support. He must now start sitting on normal chair. Mohan works with him for cognition. He got a board and tested him in various ways. He left out some letters and made guess the words. Then he made it like a simple crossword puzzle and asked him for a single letter to complete. Then he wrote some sentences and made him fill it up. Kumar enjoyed the session and Mohan closed it when Kumar shut himself.It is easy to transfer him to the wheel chair. In the lobby we played word game and he enjoyed it. From next week he may be getting medicines orally. Kumar was very agitated yesterday but today he was calm.

Nov 8: Kumar had OT in the morning and did very well.In the afternoon he had PT. He walked in parallel bars . Preparing him in the morning is a big task. Mohan’s presence is really benefitting Kumar a lot. Mohan talks to him in a very soft tone and waits for his answer.

Nov ,9:10 No physio  being weekend. Hema with her family came to see him. Kumar was playing on his small keyboard. He talked to them and Hema’s daughters played “Jingle bells “ on the board. Hema made him stand and said his body is becoming ready to stand and walk. She had brought bhajjis, koottu, keeraimasial. Kumar ate them . Mohan interacted with him very well and asked him logical questions. He played simple games.On Saturday Dennis came before going to New Jersey brought food items . On Sunday Jolly came with Susamma and her daughter Anna and brought the entire shop to our room.

Nov 11: A great day!! Kumar walked with the therapists supporting him on either sides. He said he did not feel tired and walked about 40 to 50 mts. He did well with OT also. Preparing in the morning was difficult but he did not scream. He was calm and ate on his own. I bathed him and he pooped and after the mess got ready for his OT. He did well with speech therapist. I talked a lot with him . Yesterday he became angry with me and screamed!! Today Mohan made him sit on the normal chair and he sat for an hour. He made him read Aesop’s fables (Two stories).He is still not able to repeat the story but when we ask questions he answers .When Mohan showed him the tennis match and asked some basic questions he answered correctly. Double fault, deuce etc – he explained correctly.Mohan put him on the chair. Kumar screamed twice – after getting up from the chair and before sitting in the wheel chair. Then he said “ Sorry”

Nov 12,13: Kumar walked .He must keep his foot firmly on the ground. He walks on his toes which he will get over fast. He got angry and screamed many times. His food tube hurts him and he is irritated. I asked him some questions in English . It was matching and fill in the blanks.  Today (130 HE WAS IN BAD MOOD AND SCREAMED MANY TIMES. Had OT at 9.30. His tube hurts him and he is out of mood. Mohan came in the afternoon and Kumar had Physio. He was not in good mood and yelled at the therapists..they made him walk but he was angry and shouted. He sat on the wheel chair. I told the therapists to try once more and he walked. He shouted again. Then Mohan spoke to him and took him out to the lobby. He was not cheerful it seems. Then I brought home, made paranthas and heate.Then Mohan showed him tennis match and he became calm.  

Nov 14: Kumar walked up and down in the corridor. He had the physio in the morning and he was active. Preparing him in the morning is still a challenge. He had OT in the afternoon . Margaret was absent and in her place Alicia came and Kumar responded to her well.

Nov 15: Today kumar had both OT and PT in the morning. He walked up and down in the corridor. His feed tube is pulled out and he had pain. Now it is bandaged. I played some jigsaw puzzle and sentence completion with him. Mohan showed some photos of people showing emotions and Kumar had to identify the emotion. Kumar participated in it. I made paranthas and brought for him for dinner. He had it with tomato soup. I spoke to him from my heart and he held my hand. I showed him the photo taken near lake Placid and asked him to tell about the picture. He answered well.

Nov 16,17: being weekend no physio for Kumar. Dara came to see him in the morning. He sat on the edge of the bed well . Spent quality time with him asking questions in English( Fill in the blank, jigsaw puzzle etc. He stretched his legs on his own . We took him out in the lobby in the chair. I made plain paranthas and brought for him. He ate it with the corn veg I had made in the morning.Today  we took him out in the morning. After his lunch he went to the bed. I made him complete sentences . Some simple maths sums were given to him. In the evening Mohan made him sit on a chair. Today he became angry when I started advising him . Then Mohan also spoke to him and explained to him that he has to be co-operative. Then he became calm. I must not lose my patience with kumar. After lunch I made avalpayasam and in the evening kept the electric lamp before god and prayed. ( Karthigaideepam). I chanted ThiruarunaiThirupugazh in the hospital. I took the payasam. Mohan, Kumar and Appa were in the lobby. Mohan made Kumar read the short story “ the cask of amontillado”. Kumar read it very well. Mohan needs to be appreciated for persuading Kumar to read. Then we went to the room and he had his dinner.  

Nov 18,19:Monday. Kumar  had his therapy. He walked . He cycled well for 15 mts. The Botox procedure is taking time. We went early and prepared him for the therapy. A tough job!! Can’t be angry with him!!Hema brought the appam, and poriurundai (Karthigai). Kumar did not like the appams but ate the peanut urundai. Hema made him sit on the portable potti stand but he did not get. He got it later on the bed. We teach him to urinate in a pot.Did well with Meghan.On Tuesday I lost my temper and got scoldings from Appa. Mohan also told me to be calm. I was venting out my anger on Kumar when he pissed on the bed. My mother is not well and I am upset. Kumar walked and cycled well. Mohan has gone to Washington. So we took him out in the chair and I brought kanji with butter milk and soup for Kumar.

Nov 20: Kumar walked and cycled. He stretched his left arm during the therapy . If we have more time the hand will stretch without Botox. We are following it up and Dr.Anderson has appealed to the Insurance. Today we prepared him in the morning ( A tough job) and took him to the gym. He was in good mood. If the urge to walk comes to him he will walk very well. I brought the soup type item I made and he liked it.Did some fillips and simple problems with him. Took him out in the chair.I made dosa and soup for him. Came to room at 8.30!!

Nov 21: Kumar did the cycling He did not co-operate to walk and hence did only half stretch of walking. He was closing his eyes and these physio people are too clever. They put the blame on him and escape. Then Margaret and Ruchika came to our room to show how he should be made to sit on the portable toilet.Did well with Meghan and tested him in English. Mohan has gone to Washington.

Nov 22: Today he walked in the cardiac walker. He was calm. I put gayathrimantram chanting daily in the morning. I made him use the small keyboard. David Parker came and he played on the big keyboard with him. He was having a good time with him. Meghan did not come . I sang songs from thirupugazh for him. I sang songs from his note book and he also took part in it.Now we make him sit in a normal chair and have his food. Today his friend Chen Friedman came to see him. When he left Kumar got up from his bed and hugged him.

Nov 23,24: Despite being weekend he had physio. Lot of stretching was done for his legs and he was ti stand in the parallel bar. Third time he did not cooperate. He did cycling well and the gym is in the same wing. I keep repeating to him that he has to only redo what he was doing before. We make him sit in the portable toilet but he is yet to get the feeling. We are now making him piss in the can but sometimes he does on the bed. Today a walker was brought but after walking some steps he got agitated. He cycled well. I stretched his legs well. Today I lost my temper when he dirtied the bed.

Appa did not like my anger. I pray Kumar gets the awareness soon. We made him sit on the toilet but he did not get it. He cycles in the evening  since last two days. He likes it.Today Jolly and Father from church came to see Kumar. Father prayed for him. Kumar got up many times from his bed to greet them. He sat on the chair and ate his dinner. He takes his lunch and dinner sitting on the chair. I tell Kumar that he has to talk more. He told he would and said Indians talk a lot. I asked him to use some idioms in sentences and we did homonyms .I gave him 10 words and told him to tell things associated with them.

Nov 25,26,27,28: Kumar got Botox  on 26 Tuesday. Five injections were given and he did not have much pain. Spints are put on his hand at night also. He is made to walk. His standing is perfected. Mohan makes him sit in a chair and engages him very well. He has started seeing his favourite serial “Arrested development” and enjoys it a lot. He talks well. He sits on a portable potti and feels comfortable. On 27 (Thanksgiving day) he had Tammi and Jay for his physio and he walked the entire corridor. He cycles and Mohan made him do for 30 mts instead of usual 15 mts. Kumar came with us to HackermanPatzand enjoyed the thanks giving dinner and all the inmates welcomed him. Kumar was well dressed. Mohan brought his full hand shirt, coat, scarf, cap and gloves. Kumar was looking great. We took him in the wheel chair . He enjoyed the food . Mohan took good care of him. Then we took him out  and took photos.

Nov 29: Today he had physio. They made him stand and did exercise on the bed. He walked not too far. Then his hand was stretched by Alisia . His Prof, Nagarajan, Ananth, Shivaji and Bharat came to see him. In the evening he cycled and Mohan brought chocolate for him from the room. Kumar tried to get up from the chair and Mohan managed to to make him sit on the sofa in the corridor. Then he took him in and stretched his arm. It was a full stretch for more than half an hour. He washed his hand in hot water with soap. Dennis, David and their son come to see us. Kumar spoke to them. Kumar looks active and bright. In the afternoon he used the mobile toilet and he got it. Mohan cleaned him. Yesterday in the night he gave him a good shower and Kumar enjoyed it!!! Today Mohan made him walk to the toilet. Kumar listens to Mohan. Mohan has a way of telling  and Kumar listens to him.I feel strong when Mohan is around.

Nov 30No physio being Saturday. We did the stretching for his legs and he did cycling .He had his bath in the spa room. He sits on the mobile toilet.

Dec 1,2,3: Sunday no physio.On 2nd he had a different therapist for PT (Randy). He made him stand and he walked a bit with the walker. His hands were stretched and he has his splint on the whole day. Mohan stretched his arm. On 3rd Pearl came and she made him stand to improve the balance and he walked a bit. He was made to use his left hand to rotate the handle of the byke and he did for  5mts. Mohan did good stretching for his left arm. He did well with speech therapist. Had bath in spa.Mohan asked him to translate from Hindi to English. Kumar is able to translate from tamil to English well.Came to room late.

Dec 4: Today Mohan came with me in the morning to prepare Kumar. He did not pass motion though we made him sit on it. He had his bath in the spa.Pearl came and made him walk in the parallel bar. Kumar did well. His left hand was stretched and he used left arm to rotate the handle of the machine. I asked him simple sums in maths and asked him many questions to trigger his memory. The names of his various schools, IIT( hostel names),the museums in DC, zoo, the items we used to carry to eat in Zoo, his favourite animal in the zoo( panda) etc. His left arm was stretched and I opened his fingers. Now he has a different splint for his fingers and elbow. He wears that in the morning for long hours.

Dec 5: Today Mohan and myself went first to see Kumar. He had his breakfast and Mohan had brought coffee for him from the room. He did not pass stools despite sitting on the toilet. We bathed him in the spa room. He had head bath. Had the physio session.Screamed a lot when his OT was done. Then he walked some distance and it has improved a lot. Today he had problem with the motion and we tried many times making him sit on the toilet seat. He did well with Meghan. Mohan tried to play some games (BPI – brain power index). But Kumar did not respond well. I brought curd rice with carrot for him. Mohan left for Kumar’s house at 4 in the evening. I feel his absence a lot. He can engage Kumar well. Then I told the nurse about Kumar’s motion problem. She kept the capsule in his anus and he got it. He felt better after that. Then Ravi took him for cycling. I brought kanji with buttermilk for him. When I tried to stretch his  left hand fingers and put on the handlebar of the walker Kumar screamed.Then I stretched his left arm and made him grab many cones in the gym. We put on the splint and I stretched his fingers fully and he screamed and told where it pains when we do it. The pain comes near his naval. He must take deep breaths that time.

Dec 6: Today Antonet came for physio. In OT he stood well in the parallel bar and put the bangles in the arch. He walked some distance in the parallel bar. We made him cycle in the evening and I played some BPI games with him.

Dec 7: Despite being Saturday he had physio. Good job was done and he did many exercises on the mat. He cycled and walked on the parallel bar. He bent and picked up cones and passed on to the therapist. I stretched his hands and did good massage. Did some cognition exercises.In the evening Dennis came with David. I had to go to bhajan in Hema’s house. Ravi left Kumar for just 15 mts to go to our room to keep the items Dennis had brought. Kumar had come out of the bed on his own and had tried to walk. He lost balance and had a cut on his eye brow. He was taken to Sinai and a CT scan was done. It was normal. He had four stitches and Ravi had to manage alone. They came back at 11 in the night and Kumar ate after that. I had made oothappam.Ravi is calm and I came back at 12 in the night. Our room door was closed and I ran to the hospital. Kumar was looking fine and he smiled at me!!

Dec 8: Kumar is fine. His eyes look swollen and it is black. I put cold water on his eyes. I did lot of stretching for his left hand. We put the splint on. I did some work in English. It is snowing. So I went to our room at 12 and brought all the necessary food items for Kumar and us. We ate in the room. Then in the afternoon we made him cycle and did lot of exercises for his legs and hands. We went to the lobby and I made him describe pictures from a book and he did well. Did some BPI exercise with him. In the night he became frustrated and told he wanted to go back home. He got angry with the food and refused to eat the carrot and tomato given by the hospital. Ravi spoke to him in soft tone .Then I made him read his research paper and what he wrote about  Ann foundation. Kumar spoke in long sentences and sounded clear in his expression. His ring finger is swollen and I again massaged his left arm.

Dec 9: Had Margaret for OT and she complained that Kumar did not co-operate for well. I was there and I did not find anything wrong with the way he was responding. So I told her that the gym was too noisy and overwhelming for him!! She did not like the comment. In the afternoon he had PT with Antonet. Meghan told that Kumar was too tired and did not respond well. We made him cycle and did exercise for his hands.I made him do some exercises for cognition. Hema had come to our room and Kumar spoke to her very well. She was with him when I went to our room to get the food for him. It is snowing

Dec 10: Today his OT is changed and carol came for Kumar. He had Antonet for PT and he did well. He did well with Meghan. Did cycling and we did lot of exercises for his left hand. He took the cones with his left hand and put them one above the other. We made him throw balls with his left hand into the basket. I put bengay for his swollen fingers and dipped them in hot water. Hema told it is not fracture but the doctor asked for an X-ray.

Dec11: Mohan is back and today X-ray was taken and there is no fracture. Alicia for OT and he did well. Antonet made him stand and made him walk in the parallel bar. She did lot of stretching for his legs and body. Mohan did lot of cognition exercises with Kumar. He did well with Meghan. At 6 in the evening we took him for cycling and did lot of stretching for his left arm and played games with Kumar. His hand is getting stretched. I spoke to him and asked him many questions to trigger his memory. Appa told him about his savings and Kumar told me about credit and debit cards and their meaning when I asked him. He told me yesterday that his energy level was low. Today when I asked him why he does not do exercise though it was his passion, he told me that he becomes tired soon. Then I assured him I would give him that food which would boost up his energy level. When I asked him what he would give to parents who had

spent the most part of the day with him for the last five and a half months he told “ A big hug and love”. I was touched. Then I spoke to him in a very positive note and told him to repeat the word “ relax” many times loudly and also take deep breaths. He takes his medicines with apple sauce and they are no longer crushed. He wears his under wear and only in the night we put on the diaper.

Dec 12,13: Had physio and ot. Waked in parallel bars. Did not have speech therapy.but some other person covered him on 13th. Carole came on 13th and Alicia on 12th.Did conition work with him. He has become very calm.

Dec 14: Dara came to stretch his arms. In the evening Mohan took him to gym and did lot of work with him.Nophysio.

Dec 15: Today Kumar after his breakfast and bath was sitting on a chair and talking to Babu. Had seizure for 15 seconds. His medicine for anti seizure is increased. Felt drowsy. We took him to our room and Mohan put a CD but Kumar started to sleep. We took him back. Jolly and Susamma came to see us and Mohan has gone to Kumar’s house to give away his library books. I came back from room and we took kumar out in the lobby and made him do some hand exercises in the gym. He had his dinner .

Dec 16; Being Sunday he had no physio . We stretched his arms. He was feeling very drowsy owing to the medication for his seizure. It is increased.Mohan is in kumar’s house. Missing him.

Dec 17: Did not respond well to PT or OT. This is the after effect of the seizure . We did not force him. With Meghan he  wasless responsive. Dara came to stretch his arm. Mohan came back in the night.

Dec 18: Hema came to see us.  I did lot of cognition work with him.Did well with Meghan and PT and OT. I keep asking him various questions in different topics to test his memory. Appa does not like it. I lose my patience  and vent out my anger. Mohan felt Kumar had become very quiet and silent.

Dec 19: Today Kumar felt tired in the morning but became interactive in the evening. He had OT with Carol. We had meeting with the case manager. Did not respond well with Meghan. After that we tried to engage him and Kumar started opening  up . I made him read his Ann foundation paper and made him talk a lot. I did some board work with him. Mohan engaged him for some time. He put music. Then he cycled .. We stretched his left arm and played cone game with him. He became angry when we forced him to hold a wooden bar. He screamed a lot and apologised loudly.Then Mohan came to our room and talked to him kindly and put on the splint. Then I spoke to him from heart and told him how he must become independent. He hugged me and Mohan.

Dec 20: Had physio. Walked in the parallel bar. At first he refused to get up and after two attempts he obeyed. Then on the bed he again refused to obey the commands. But Antonet did the stretching. Then I ate my food and gave food to Kumar. Then at one in the afternoon Hema came and took us to  see his Prof. Kumar wore his full hand shirt and was looking good. He met his Prof and could tell the name of his other prof. Then his friends came to see him . From there we went to bank of America. Kumar had to be taken to the near starbuck café to urinate. Mohan was very quick to take him to the toilet. Kumar could manage well in the bank and got his Pin and password. From there we went to his house. He managed to climb the four steps  and get into his house. But we did not take him up. Mohan wanted to take him to his room in wheel chair but Hema did not allow. She told it would be overwhelming for Kumar. Mohan was upset and did not want to come with us to Levindale. He stayed back in his room. We came back at 7.30 and he had his dinner and he slept well. Hema told me to give him rest and not to stimulate him.

Dec 21,22: Mohan stayed back in his house. No therapy for  Kumar. We made him cycle in the evening. Pons came to help Appa in vacating Kumar’s house .Chitra had sent tons of cooked food. I ate and packed for Pons and Appa . After they left I asked the GNA to put Kumar on chair. He ate his lunch and Appa came to the room to give the room key. I asked him to put Kumar on wheel chair. Then I took him out and after 2 hours asked the GNA to put him back on the bed. Then Mohan came at 3 in the evening. After cycling we did exercise for his left hand. Kumar got angry when I told him to put his hand on the bar. Mohan told me my tone was wrong and insulting. I must be careful when I talk to Kumar. I must not wound his feelings.Mohan showed Kumar tennis matches and he enjoyed them.Appa and Pons came back at 9 in the night. Pons slept here.

Dec 22: Pons got up at 3 in the morning and chanted. He left at 6 in the morning. We went to the hospital and gave him his breakfast. After bath he rested. At 9 we took him out in the lobby. We gave him coffee. Then he cycled. We came back to room and put him on the chair. I did some cognition work with him. I showed him playing cards and asked him to name them. He did pretty well. Then I brought some rice and vegetable for him. Then at 12 Mohan and myself went to Baltimore Port and  the historical fort Mchenry. The weather was pleasant and we walked along the patapscoriver . It was soothing to talk to Mohan. Mohan told me not to worry about Kumar. He would be totally fine in another six months. I pray to God his words come true. He was also telling me how we must divide our time and work with Kumar. He took many photos. I could not control my feelings. Wehad visited the same spot with Kumar last year.We had lunch in a restaurant and had coffee and snacks in Panera bread café.I enjoyed the visit. When we were returning I started feeling guilty and wanted to be with Kumar.When I came to the hospital Jolly had come with Father Mathai. Father prayed and I was moved by the love shown to us by Jolly, Susamma ,Thrisamma and Dennese. Susamma had given us gifts. I thanked her over the phone. Mohan brought upma and palak for Kumar. I heated and gave him. I asked him some words like “ Tryst”, paranoid etc and Kumar answered at once.

Dec 23,24,25: Kumar is given training to stand and get transferred from wheel  chair to normal chair. This is for safety while travelling in plane. Christmas eve – so there is lot of merry making and lot of chocolates are spread in the place where we stay.Dennese came on the eve of Christmas and brought gifts for us.

Dec 26: Today is Thursday. Again the same transfer technique was taught. Mohan was called from the room and he was also made to transfer Kumar on both left and right side. Then Mohan left for Kumar’s house. In the night after we reached our room we were called and told that Kumar had tried to get out of bed and hit his jaw.We came running and he was bleeding . There was a deep cut on his jaw and he had broken (partially) his front teeth. Then he was taken to Sinai hospital and given 5 stitches. Before that Nike had come to our room with chocolates for Kumar. Ravi was with him and slept in the hospital with him. Mohan came running from Kumar’s house.

Dec 27: Kumar is discharged from the hospital. We came back at 2.30 in the afternoon. He is getting medicines for  90 days and the insurance has approved that. Kumar feels good and saw a movie ET with Mohan. He is more conversational and asked for food. He had coffee and I made tea for him. He had snacks and had palakparantha for dinner. He became stubborn and wanted the splint to be removed. We have booked the next room also and Mohan and Kumar are sleeping there. Mohan gave him bath and Kumar felt fresh.

Ranga and Brinda had come to see us in the room. They had brought food .vacating the room where we stayed for five and half months was a challenge. We discarded everything and took only the most important things. All the winter clothing gifted by friends were kept for donation. Chitra,Pons and Bhairu had come to help us. Pons took all the items and put it in his car.he had booked two rooms in a hotel near Dellas airport. This was done to make Kumar feel comfortable before the journey.We went to our room. Chitra had cooked lot of food for us. She had made cheese cake also. Vedam(Chandru’s son-in-law) ,Shalini and their twin children had come there. Then Priyanka,Prakash and their daughter were also there. Chitra heated the food in the micro oven and Kumar ate it seeing the cartoon in TV. Then Mohan took him down in wheel chair. There was a swimming pool. He wanted Kumar to sit near water. There was constant jet of water released to touch the leg and one could sit on a hammock above the water. But when he tries to transfer him to the hammock kumar slipped and I got the shock of life. But Mohan lifted him and put him back in the wheel chair. That time I was talking to hemavaradhan over phone. When I saw Kumar I screamed. She asked me what happened. When I told her she strictly told me not to allow Mohan to try things on Kumar since he was not independent and would not be able to get up. It can produce seizures. Mohan did not like this as usual. He wanted Kumar to be treated like  normalperson.The next day kumar got up and we had take him to toilet . He did not pass motion and so we had to insert the tablet in his anus. Still he did not get. We took breakfast. Jolly, Susamma and Achan were there in the airport. Achan prayed for Kumar and family. Then when we were standing in the queue we saw Kumar had passed stools. Mohan at once took him to the toilet , cleaned him threw away the full pant and put another. The travel was uneventful barring visits to the toilet. Kumar had catheder and it was difficult to drain it in the toilet.Mohan did not know to remove the condom catheder and Kumar was screaming in the toilet. He had not got the urine awareness and so it was very difficult to manage him. Then his pant had become wet and luckily I covered him with the shawl given in the flight. Then the plane landed in Dubai. There he was taken to the toilet by Mohan and once again the pant was discarded. Mohan wanted to bathe him. But there was no facility . It was not easy to take Kumar to all places in the wheel chair provided by the airport. Bathing him was out of question. We had lot of arguments over this. All the anger and frustration would be shown on me!!! Mohan took care of his food and medicines were given properly. Kumar had neurological impulses and would laugh now and then.he had stockins to prevent any clot in his leg since he was not walking.By the grace of God he did not react during the journey. The doctors were concerned about that, Usually TBI would react when the cabin pressure came down.My Kumar is always different.

(2014 – details)

Chennai:

We came back to Chennai on 31st December in the night. My brothers had come to the airport. Air travel was uneventful and Kumar withstood the long  journey by flight. He had jet- lag and I was disoriented for nearly ten days. We took him to Dr.U.S.Srinivasan for consultation. A CT scan was done and chest X-ray was also done. Everything was normal. Manni came on 2nd and is with us. Her presence is of great help to me. A very good physio( Senthil Vijay Gopal) is coming and Kumar has started walking. His left hand is much better and his fingers are opening up well. He does not allow us to put the splint. So I am doing the physio part whenever I find time. There is a lot improvement in his body. He is able to climb the steps and is able to get up and do his work. He eats on his own. He is slowly becoming self reliant. He is picking up his self confidence.He has started singing and we listened to his voice which is rich. He now sings varnams  andwill soon start singing keerthanams. His favouritevarnam is Kamas. Now he asks for food when he is hungry. He likes juices, vegetables, bread , peanut butter and nutella. He is fond of chocolates. We give him sundal daily after the physio. Senthil is very sincere and now he walks around the building in the evening. He is able to use the walker and holds it with his left arm open. But sometimes we fail to understand why he gets upset and loses temper. He screams and it is difficult to control

the situation and we become terribly upset. Hope the situation improves in the future by the grace of God. We pray his character does not change.Mohan interacts with him but sometimes Kumar becomes angry with him also. I wish he realizes our unconditional love for him.

Feb11: Since two days Kumar is calm and poised and does physio well. Today to our great surprise he went to the toilet on his own . He got up from the bed on his own without our knowledge and went to the toilet!! We did lot of work together – he sang Hamsadvanivarnam and thattuvarisai and hechusthaivarsai. His fringers are opening up well.

Feb 12: He is cheerful. Mohan is back from Hyderabad . Kumar is happy . He walks holding on to the wall. He went through his work. I wish he would start taking more interest in his work and programming. All his other interests are coming up.He does exercise for his legs when told. Some disorientation is still there which will vanish soon.He does not feel that must tired in the morning.

Feb 16: We went to Elliots beach after the physio. We took our dinner  and went. Kumar walked in the sand and we went to Ibaco ice-cream shop and had ice cream. Kumar enjoyed. Kumar showed anger now and then and we had to talk to him about this. Then he asked how he should express his anger. Then I told him he can tell us when he is angry so that we would not irritate him. Then we came back home. In the evening when Appa tried to put on his pant while he was standing he lost his balance and fell down. He had a small cut on his left eyebrow but luckily nothing was serious. We must be careful in future. I felt a lot and put medicine. The cut is very small.

Feb 17: Kumar is cheerful and had Idli, chutney and toast. But he showed some moments of agitation and anger. I wish he becomes aware of everything very soon and gives up this anger. He must realize how much the family loves him . He is unpredictable some times. I wish he would  realize this soon.He must start using his left arm for typing and get back his speed.In the night we went to Grand sweets and snacks shop and bought Rasgulla and Badusha for Kumar(Two each).Mohan ate the badusha and Kumar enjoyed both the items. He came walking to the shop. During the physio session he became angry with Senthil since his hand started paining. I had gone to the shop to buy items. But he walked very well around the building. We played luminosity games and he enjoyed them.We sang and he went through his work .

Feb 18: Kumar is cheerful. But for small moments of anger he is happy. He made the dough (methi) for me. We sang and he went through his work with Appa. He must become 100% aware soon. He gets upset when I keep advising him too much. He put on his clothes himself. He is becoming independent and he feels happy about it. He bathes on his own. He gets up from chair or bed  himself and had good balance. He walked well.

Feb19: My brothers with family have gone to Coimbatore to attend Jyotsna’sseemantham( 8th month function). Kumar got up and had milk. He peeled the corn for me and grated the bottle gourd for me. He sat in the kitchen and talked to me. Now and then he showed anger and as usual I started giving lectures which was condemned by Appa. He filled his water bottles from the aqua guard. Today he asked Appa when he would go back to his school. I pray he gets that feeling strongly and starts preparing mentally and physically for it.

Feb 23:Kumar has started walking well without support. We take him out to places in the evening. He enjoys the visits. We took him to grand sweets and bought sweets for him. Then we took him to Ibaco in Besant nagar and got ice cream for him. He walked in the Elliots beach. Yesterday we took him to Ibaco in Velachery and got ice cream for him. Mohan has gone to Chandigarh to give lecture in IISER. We took Kumar to the airport on Thursday . Today VP and Radhika came to our house. Kumar talked  to them well. But his anger is not understood by us. He repents later on.

Feb24: Today he voices his opinion. On 8th we took him to theosophical society. kumar is cheerful. He made the dough for me. We told many homonyms together. We sang “ Eeranapai in Thodi” sitting on the swing.  ..We kicked the ball with his legs and for the first time he asked me why his left leg was not as powerful compared to his right leg. .I told him it has become much better and the contracture is now contained by exercise and medicines. Very soon he would be walking fast. He bathes on his own and wears his clothes without our  assistance. He comes to the kitchen and helps me.

March 4: Kumar is walking without support. He talks well and voices his opinion. )n 2nd we had lunch in VP’house. We saw a movie and slept. Mr.Senthin came there for the physio. We brought the V-cycle for Kumar from their house. On  the 1st  of this month, we took him to Fortis Malar for routine check-up. The doctor was happy with his progress. Kumar walked without support and the doctor recognized it. He reduced some medicines when Kumar told him he felt drowsy. Kumar also asked the doctor about his mood swings. The doctor told us it would subside soon. Kumar told me that he wants Mohan to be successful. He asked me what he was doing in the Invention lab. He became emotional.

March 5-12: We went to beach on 6th with food . Kumar enjoyed it a lot. We bought ice-cream . He takes part in all conversation and voices his opinion. On 8th we went to theosophical society . Kumar saw the banyan tree. It was hot but he could withstand the heat. Then we went to MuruganIdli shop and had masaldosai, oothappam and coffee. He had some private talk with Mohan. He told him that parents must be treated with respect!! Then we went to IIT and he walked there. Senthil came there and he played hand ball. Senthil assured him that he would be able to jog soon. We came back home and he had his bath. Then we dined at Mast kalander and it was wonderful. All of us enjoyed the food.Kumar was tired. The next day (9th) Mohan left for Mumbai. It is his birthday and we wished him. Kumar became very emotional and cried. On 8th Kumar came with us Poomagal shop and climbed the steps!! Venkatesh also came with us and he was very happy to see Kumar climbing the steps freely. Mohan took Kumar for dental check-up. The clinic is close  byand Kumar walked on the road and climbed the steps( two stairs). He needs root canal treatment in three teeth ( front two and the molar). Kumar spoke to the doctor so well.

On 9hManni had come to our house in the evening. Kumar got agitated when Senthil was doing physio . He wanted to have bath and I objected so he was very angry. Then he calmed down . He had his video conference and he was listening to it. Senthil could not go with him for the walk and so Ravi took him. He cooled down.

!0th: He became angry in the morning when I told him he could write better. I  told him I would go out of the house if he was angry. He got angry and went to the bed room and started banging the doors and lost balance and fell down. He got up and cooled down. Then he had his shave and we took him out. Manni had to go to her house in Mandaveli and had some work. She came in the evening .Jayanth and Lakshmi also came to see Kumar. He asked me if he was presentable!! Jayanth was surprised to see him walking without support.The next two days he was very calm. On 12th we took him to WITCO and got a purse for him. He climbed the stairs. But when he left he told that he does not walk like others and felt sad. I spoke to him in a very encouraging way and he was touched. In the evening we took him to Iyappa temple and bought pattai and seedai for him ( he wanted). On 13th (Thursday) we took him to Rex and bought a shirt and under wear for him. It was in the first floor. The lift did not come for a long time and so Ravi held his hand and made him climb down the steps. He asked us if   we were excited that he needs support. Then when we came back home he told he looks like a chimpanzee with legs cut off. I asked him if he felt that he is not able to walk like others , he said “Yes” and I could see the pain in his eyes. Then I assured him that he would be able to do all that he used to do before the accident. Then he asked me why I did not buy anything for me. He said he would buy nice salwar and sari for me. He asked us why we did not bring his nice pants and shirts. He said he would have paid for the extra luggage!!

14th: Today is karadaiyannonbu. Senthil has bought hand springs for his left hand. He can use it for exercise. Kumar feels hot and wants to bathe everytime   he goes to the toilet . He is able to go on his own. One day he shut the toilet door and became angry when we asked him to keep it open. Now a new problem – he has severe itching in his groin ( area near the organ). Yesterday we shaved off the hair there and put Candid – B ointment. He feels better. When I asked him if he feels shy before me he said ” Why amma You gave birth to me . Why should I feel shy”.Now he wants to wear the best dress, wants the deodorant and wants to comb his hair. He shaves and Appa gives the final touches. He misses Mohan a lot and cries when he sees his mails. He wants to know how much money he has!! He asked me how he must contribute  since he has been with us !! I wept . He gets up early in the morning and does not sleep much in the afternoon.He read out the letters I wrote to him in 2009 and 2012 and cried. I could see that he was becoming emotional.We took him out and bought fruits. Then at 8 I tied the saradu.

March 15Th Kumar was calm and did lot of exercise. He cooperated well with senthil and walked and did lot of sit ups holding the grill in the bed room.Mohan called in the night and he felt very happy and kissed him many times ( think pad!!). Then Mohan told he was going out and would call after half an hour. Kumar became restless and was losing his patience. Then we went to bed and Mohan called. When Kumar tried to talk through Skype it was not successful. Then I told him to wait for some more time. Then we did finding the six differences and also Sudoku. When I asked him to fill the correct numbers he answered correctly but asked me why I was checking him when I knew the answer. Then I told him very politely how he is becoming interested in the logical games. We also played some games in luminosity. Then when Mohan could not be contacted through skypeAppa suggested he could use his I-Phone. He became angry and threw his phone. Luckily it did not break but it developed some cracks down. Appa became angry but controlled and scolded me. Kumar became sad and said it was his mistake and needs scolding. I think his itching is irritating him and went to toilet. When he saw tears he melted and apologised.

16th ;Appa has taken him to IIT for physio. Senthil is there now.

Mar17 – 31: Remarkable improvement both physically and mentally in Kumar. He is able to do cross-word , fills up Sudoku and finds out the six differences in Hocus – Focus in the news paper. He is able to do all his daily routine by himself but we are careful. He wants to bathe many times but slowly that urge is coming down. We have a nice schedule in the morning. He wakes up early on his own and after coffee we go to the swing and start kicking ball for 15-20 min. Then he cycles for 15 mts and I do my leg  exercise with him. Then he writes after his bath and I dictate a small passage. He reads his paer and does cross-word with his father. I have started going to Edusol for one session. From today (April 1st) I have started my Thirupugazh class. He still has mood swing but it is under control. He gets irritated when we enter the toilet when he is in but we are careful. Once while trying to wear his underwear he slipped but nothing happened and he could manage well. He filed his tax returns and talks logically and voices his opinion. He misses Mohan a lot. A lot of stretching is done for his left hand and he wants it be become fine. He spends time in his personal grooming ( like before!!) . He cuts his nails, files them and washes his face many times using Garnier face wash for men. He helps me and is able to come to kitchen and help me. Now he realizes that he has to start reading fiction so that he can discuss with Mohan. He has cough and hence MRI is getting delayed.

April: 3 Kumar’s caugh is better and so MRI was taken. He co-operated very well and did not move. I could not bear the noise. Appa got chocolate after the MRI was over. The report came in the evening and looks OK to us. On 5th we showed him to the doctor. The doctor said his MRI looks good and he has improved very well. I wept in his room. He said now there is nothing to worry and he would go back to US to finish his work. He said Kumar would not have forgotten anything and he would be fine soon We were asked to meet Dr.Vijaykumar for his left hand. The doctor examined  him and said he would take the opinion of plastic surgeon Dr.Purushottam and decide what should be done for his curled fingers. The appointment is on Monday(7th). I bought butter from Aavin, peda and kova for Kumar. I made chocolate for him. S enthil came in the evening. Kumar had a long physio session. Then his friend Naresh came in the night and kumar spoke to him very well. They had dinner together. Naresh gave him a paper crane (origami) and said it would bring luck to Kumar.

April 8-19: Lot of changes in Kumar’s body and behavior. He is able to go to toilet, take bath and put on his clothes. He is able to voice his opinion and take part in conversations. We sing varnams and he is able to sing in deep voice. Daily he writes a paragraph and we play lumosity when we find time. Daily after coffee we go to the terrace and he kicks the ball. Then he stretches his hands and legs and does sit ups. We play badminton . Then he cycles . I do my  leg exercise. Then I make him write. He still has mood swings but the anger level is under control. He fills the water bottle and while eating he tells how much he wants and does not want me to put more. We read two stories from Sherlock Holmes (Silver blaze and Red headed league). Now we are reading Wuthering height. I sit next to him when he reads his research paper or any Pdf file. My brothers visit me and he talks to them from heart. Yesterday VP and vaishali came to see him. He was very happy. I talk to him from my heart and counsel him when we sit in the swing.

April 20-24: On 22nd(Tuesday) Jyotsna delivered a baby boy. We went in the night and saw the baby. In the morning we went to Ramachandra medical college to show Kumar. We met doctorMeenakshiSundaram. After examining Kumar he said  that his leg contracture had improved and curling of his fingers is not due to spasticity. So he does not require Botox injection in his fingers . He needs only physio therapy. On 23rd , Kumar had his root canal procedure for his canine tooth. He was very calm and did not cause  any problems when the injection was given in his gum. The next sitting is on 28th and then the  cap for the tooth will be ready after that( In two days time). Then we will decide about the root canal treatment for his front teeth. On 24th we went and voted for BJP. Today VP came to see us . Kumar was happy .Senthil came in the morning and Kumar had a long session.Mother hovers over the entire keyboard and makes me treat them like naughty schoolchildren!Mohan calls regularly and I talk to him willingly.

April 25 – 28: Today we went to Koyambedu for Kumar’s splint. Order is given and from there we went to PhysioMr.natarajan. He is very experienced and worked in rehab centre in K.K.Nagar for three decades. He examined Kumar’s fingers and told there was no contracture and the fingers have started opening up. With splint he says it will become totally fine. Now Kumar is able to use his left arm fro doing work. He is able to open his fingers. He is ready to wear the splint. Now he is aware of the benefits of splint. Sometimes he wears the blue splint. It became very late since we could not locate Mr.Natarajan’s clinic. So we dined at Anandabhavan. Next day Senthil came in the morning. In the evening we went to saaibaba temple in ECR road. Today (28) is Monday. Kumar was not in good mood. He does not shout but was withdrawn. He did not sleep but was simply lying on the bed. He had his dentist appointment at three . It went on well. He sang Mohanamvarnam. I talk to him and keep assuring him how motivated he is. We did Sudoku and unscramble.

May 1-15: Kumar is able to walk better and is able to climb up the stairs without any problems. On 12 th ,Jyotsna’s son’s cradle ceremony took place. The lift was not working and he climbed down the steps and in my brother’s house, he climbed up three flights of stairs. He enjoyed the entire function and had his lunch also. He sang Sarasijanabhasodhari in Nagagandhariragam.He recognized Behag.We got a watch (Titan,golden)for him which he picked out himself.He has a special splint for his left hand which he wears,mostly without any fuss.His left hand fringers are opening  up and he is able to do all activities with his left hand also. He sings with me in the evening and we read storybooks together. Mohan calls him regularly and they read together. I wish Kumar starts reading on his own and develops concentration. I want him to get the time concept soon.

May 16-31: Kumar is improving both physicaly and mentally. He reads paper and discusses with us. He is cheerful and senthil comes to do physio. He knows where items are kept in the house. He is independent. We take him out regularly and he likes the trips. He wears the splint and tendon release is going to done for his fingers.

June 1-15: June 2nd was Avantika’s Tamil birthday. We went and Kumar enjoyed the company of my brothers ,manni and radhika. He took photos. On 9th he had his surgery. This is tendon release on his left hand to straighten his fingers. We went to the hospital at 10.30 in the morning after a light breakfast. VP came with us and stayed the whole day with us. He was taken to the theatre at 3.45 and came back at 5 in the evening. Everything went on well and he had drips till next day morning. He had bread and milk at 11 in the night. He was discharged on 10th at 6 in the evening. He has a bandage and his fingers have opened up well.He reads from paper for me and he discusses the news with me. We finished Nicholas Nickleby and now we are reading The remains of the day and Doll’s house. He maintains a diary from this month and his hand writing is good. He reads his PDF files but yet to make the corrections his prof has asked for. Two weeks ago he took part in the video conference and he sat for a very long time. Now he is able to sit for long hours without feeling tired. He plays lumosity and we sing together in the evening. He is able to sing KV songs nicely and his old Bhajans. He exercises very well and he likes it.

June 16-22:On 17th, we went to Malar for review.On 20th, there was another review.The stitches were removed and the stiffness is reduced.Now,only massaging has to be done for the fingers of my left hand.

(Kumar writes: )

I started singing and am going to Keerthanamsnow.I finished reading The Remains Of The Day &The Doll’s House.I read the articles in the newspapers regularly.Slowly, I have started reading the books from my workplace.I feel good,at least doing what Ihave described.

June 17- July17: The temperature in both my arms is now the same as my body.My reading speed has increased.I have started reading my work.I have become fond of physiotherapy.I go to the gym next door.I enjoy the Elliptical trainer a lot.I don’t use the lift while climbing up the stairs.I do pranams,squats,and play badminton.I use my left hand for all the work.I hope to get to the point where I can control every action of mine independently.)

Details of 2015:

On Jan 20thkumar and Ravi left for U.S. We were aware that Kumar was not ready for his defense still we gave him a chance . Kumar must not feel that we did not give him a chance .Also we wanted him to see his house and the university and must remember the places. It was difficult for Ravi to manage alone. Kumar used to go the UMD by shuttle and in the evening ravi would go and pick him up. They visited levindale and saw Dr.Anderson. They were very happy for him.The anger continued there also but not too often. Kumar never attended the group meetings despite being forced by Ravi. Ravi tried to motivate him by making him read and write the basics. But Ravi used to tell me that Kumar would not sit for long hours. He would be diverted. He visited Hema and dara visited him. All were amazed to seehim. We are also happy but he must get the highest cognition which would make him finish his Ph.d. He has not got it still. His presented his slides before the students once. His friends were very happy. If they had encouraged him further maybe he would have felt confident. His prof wanted him to read his basics so that he would be able to answer the questions. He felt Kumar was not going ahead with his recalling of his basics so made his stipend half since Prof did not have any special grant and Kumar was not part of any project. The stipend would stop in July. Appa managed well alone. Jolly, Susamma visited them and brought food. Ranga and Brinda also visited them. He sang for them.His LES paper needed some corrections – some queries to be answered. Kumar was literally forced by Appa to write and Ravi alos added his version. In the mean time Mohan visited them in the month of May. He took Kumar out and took him for the group meeting. He also could not do much. Kumar’s laptop keyboard crashed when he banged it and Mohan set it right. They bought a new laptop but it gave some problem. So they bought one more . Kumar wanted to give me for my birthday. I will take it the day he remembers he bought it for me. Ravi, Mohan and Kumar played tennis. Kumar fell down and had stitches on his chin. Kumar you are blessed to have good father who is not afraid of physical work. You have involved him a lot in your life!!! On July 3rd Ravi and Kumar came back. G.P and I went to the airport. Kumar had put on weight. Senthil started coming and Kumar’s weight came to normal level by my food and exercise.Kumar had got chocolates for me for our marriage anniversary. I was happy to see Ravi.

I had left Edusol in March. From feb I started going to Spastn to offer service. Thrice a week I went there . I taught the children and took them to gym. Then I wrote the syllabus for OB1 and OB2 in English and Maths. I selected only those chapters which were relevant in maths and English and framed the syllabus. It has come in book form and is being followed. I feel very satisfied. Then I spoke to the director of Spastn if she knew of any counselors for Kumar. She suggested Neurokris. Frighteningly expensive !! The cost came to 60,000 Rs .Dr.E.V.K examined him and E.E.G was taken. He said Kumar was lucky since his memory is not a wash out. There are some wrong signals coming and with cognition activities it would become normal. Nisha John, Vivek and Kumaresan worked on him. All the activities are known to me and some were new. Kumar was able to do them. But I did not Want this type of cognition activities. I wanted goos counselor for him They did not do that there.

Details of 2016:

Kumar has started doing Sudoku on his own. Major landmark!! He has started jogging round the building in the morning. Senthil comes twice a month. Now he has started reading on his own. He is independent and is able to go to shop nearby to buy bread or milk .His little finger had curl despite the tendon release done in 2014.So the doctor opined a pip joint release on the little finger will make it look fine.So we decided to go for the procedure.

On feb 2nd he had surgery on his left little finger to relieve the pip   joint flexion contracture. He got admitted in the morning at 7.30  and the surgery took place at 9 a.m. The procedure was for just 45mts under anesthesia. It was done in Apollo (First Med) in  Ponnamalle high road by Dr.Purushottam. He was given water at 2.30 p.m. We had lunch in the hospital. Then Kumar’s food came from the  hospital. I fed him. He was discharged from the hospital and we came home at 5 p.m. Ganesh came to see us. Dinner was idli and chutney.

Then the doctor  ordered for small finger splint and Ravi got it made by Natarajan in koyambedu .Kumar went with him. Kumar observes the group meetings. I don’t know what thoughts come to his mind when he sees others presenting. One week after the surgery the doctor removed some stitches from his finger.I give him some geometry sums and arithmetic sums. The remaining stitches will be removed after three days. We go to Elliots beach on week days. His stiches were fully removed on 12-2-2016.He does floor exercises regularly and we sing in the evening. It will be akarasadhagam. One varnam  and one keerthanam. I try many ways to motivate him. I have written many letters in our note book and he replies. Sometimes I mail him. I have the record of all the letters I have written to him. He does lot of unscrambling. I give him good mathematics sums and he draws diagrams and writes the proof. He started going to IITM from Jan of this month. Ravi would go with him and they would sit in the library and come by auto.

On 8-3-2016 he presented his slides on dynamic stall to Ranjit’s students.On 9th he had red spots in his right eye. It was Wednesday. On 7th he had group meeting. It went on for a long time. Kumar got tired and angry. So his temper rose and he hit himself with his hands on his temples very hard. He wanted to send some messages to Ananth reminding him it was getting too late. I told it would be very silly and he would not see any messages when the meeting is on. Kumar lost his cool.I could not control him. This happens very rarely. The red spot must be due to his hitting hard on his temples. I was so upset. This agitation must stop. Can’t believe- is this Kumar who is mild-tempered? I cried and prayed to God.

We waited but the red spots became huge patches and it was spreading to his left eye also. So on 12th after four days of waiting we took him to Dr. Ashok Kumar near  Latha super market. He said there was nothing to worry and gave drops and vitamin C tablets. We told him he wears the small splint on his finger and that he must have hit his eye with the splint. We did not tell about Kumar hitting his temple with his hands. The doctor told if it was splint injury it would be in one eye and not on both the eyes. So it was not splint injury. He told us to wait and watch.

His eyes had become blood red. So we took him to the doctor and he said there was no itching or watering in the eyes. So he told us not to worry but wanted a small blood test to check the clotting time . So we took. It was perfect. This was on 15th (Tuesday). Next day he went to IIT and discussed Dynamic stall presentation. He would present it on 21-3-16.Again we showed him to the doctor on 19th. His eyes were totally red. On 16thJayanth’s book launch was there.It took place in Adyar hotel. Kumar’s eyes were blood red. He felt comfortable. It was an interactive session. Kumar asked the chef Venkatesh Bhatt why in south Indian cuisine we don’t use proper measures and depend on kannthittam!! It was well received and the chef said we believe in measuring with hand and this is passed on from generation to generation.

So on 17th we took an appointment with U.S.Srinivasan. He also examined his eyes and told it was  not symptomatic .He told us it would take a month or so for the red colour to subside.

On Monday 21-3-16 he presented his slides in IIT. On 25th he spent his night in VP”s house. He returned home the next morning. His eyes were red. So we took an appointment with sankaranethralaya on 28th( Monday). Thorough eye checkup was done by Dr.VeenaBhaskar . She told everything is fine and the reason for the redness is not known. She gave drops and told me to keep cold packs on his eyes. He does many cognition activities on his own. He now writes the meaning of Tamil words. Kumar has put us into great trouble by his anger. We never told the doctor that he had hit his temples so hard and the effect was visible in the eyes. His anger would have cost his eyes. I wish he learns a lesson from this incident.

On 9-4-16 we went to Elliots beach. Kumar jogs on sand. His phone slipped and when we were returning he asked me if I had his phone. I said “No” and he told he was not able to place it. I gave a call and someone picked it up. The person told the phone was with them and they found it on the sand near the skating rink. Due to traffic we missed him and had to go to Virugampakkam and the helpful stranger gave me the phone. I wept and told him how my son was very attached to it. Now he has started jogging round the building. He can do more rounds but if we tell he gets very upset and would say how he used to jog so well in US. But he would not answer to our question why he does not do more rounds here. He thinks he makes many rounds. How to make him realize that

[It is a confirmable fact that I jog 4+rounds around the building eachtime; for anyone doubting this,I have one question to ask. How many others do you see jogging around the building in this city; itswell known that jogging will benefit in numerous ways!{you can ask Appa to verify I have kept to a strict jogging  schedule .I have seen him do some as well.I think I video-recorded some of him jogging today on my iPhone.Kumar}]– we don’t know!! He says the weather over here is humid. True. He would say “ Today I jogged . So I need power nap”. The brain feels full after some time for him. It makes him feel he did for long time. How this boy used to jog in US!! Those days will come back in his life. It is a question of time.

April 14th  -tamil New Year. He got kanikasu from appa. We do pranayamam. No one must find fault with him. I wish he does breathing exercise for longer time. His mood after jogging will be very different. So we are careful. He can voice his opinion. But he does that in a tone which he never used to do before. He raises his voice and that time we are careful.I talk a lot to him. Slowly he is able to do Sudoku on his own without much help.

I am always caught in a web. Kumar says” Amma you have every right to order me to do anything.”. If I ask him to do extra exercises using bands and tubes he can get irritated. [My response:challenge me when I say that jogging is far better than using tubes of any kind,however good them may be. To support your  statements, I expect numbers, not merely ‘oh,itswell known that these are good’.]That time his talk will be illogical. Then if I tell him his thoppukarnams are not perfect and his back has to be straight, he says“ Are you Senthil?”[Response:allright,overtime,I have not done thoppukaranams to the best possible standard,but continue with your response after reading MY previous one{jogging}. He does not want to be blamed for anything. He feels we criticize him a lot. Why can’t he understand we do that for his good? Does he feel tired after few rounds of jogging? Does he require orthopaedic opinion for his slight stooping?[Stooping is something that will affect the beauty more than function. Can you deny that I have begun jogging again? Even Rahul talked about it, and I’ll update him on what I’m doing. Hopefully, my parents who get to SEE everything first-hand will have a personal feel when they talk about me jogging. I am confused if not.]

We are confused. If I mention the word doctor he can be upset. As a mother I understand how much he has suffered. But now he should not compromise on his posture. Next he must know if he is preparing enoughto go back for defense.[Kumar:how will I know better than during group meetings? You should see my personal attempts,knowing what a good student I always was{you say a lot about knowing it,but it is not convincing,when there are so many questions thrown back at me,which they probably will be even during my eventual defense].

[Amma,posture matters not at all for the defense].Why can’t he write down the basics? Next why should he download so many books when we can’t read so much?

June 16th – Sumangaliprarthanai. I went first and Kumar and Ravi came late

June 18thSamaradhanai- we went at 8.30 and had lunch there. I asked Kumar to sin Kuraionrum I llai .He sang. But my voice was heard and Ramani came near and told I sang well. While returning Kumar lost his cool and asked me why I chose that song and he needed the book for words. He told he could have sung Shathinilavavendum. I told it would not be appropriate for the function since it was about Gandhi and his principles. He did not accept it.Now he must realize the situation and what would be befitting the occasion. He does not like if we voice our opinion when he is not correct. He must get out of this attitude.

The same evening we went for the sangeet. I put mehandi and Kumar sang Aashadisanjana well. Had lunch. Then the next morning we went at 9 in the morning to the choultry.Vratam was there. Kumar felt comfortable seeing the relatives. Mood swing was there. He wanted to read out a story nyR.K.Narayanan to children .They are not interested in any activity other than running around. He did Sudoku . We also felt bored and for that matter all were bored. We came back home and in the evening went for the reception. We stayed over night there. The next day was the wedding. Afternoon Nalangu was there. One patti sang Chinnanchirukiliye. I sang Thirupugazh. Kumar got angry while returning since that song was close to his heart and the Patti sang it badly. He asked me why I did not tell him to sing. I told the words were a problem and I did not remember. He asked me” You don’t rely on my memory”. He does not realise he does not remember the entire lyric. Now Kumar must know one thing. He must not sing or talk about any issue un less he knows the facts,. He must not give general statements.

June 1st; yesterday he saw the group meeting. At the end he asked me if he could prepare well and go to US for his work. I said he must be very sure lest it would become expensive for appa to buy tickets. He got upset and said some unpleasant things. Now he must realize if he is putting enough effort to revise his basics. For that he meust give a small lecture to Appa. He does not like that .If ravi gives he can be very critical and would say if ravi was his guide. Is he afraid of his memory being tested? Then how would  he graduate? His work is over. But te prof wants to know if he remembers it fully. After graduation he must be able to work with someone in project. Now he must realize he must complete writing his thesis after the defense. I am sure God would be by his side. He must now start thinking of his future. How long can he be in home environment/ if we say he thinks we are tired of him and want him out of the house. This thought should go away from his mind. Next he mustrealize he is delaying us when we go out with him since he walks slowly. He can walk fast – his brain must tell. If I say anything about his unreasonable behavior he at once tells” I think in US such behavior will not be tolerated and the person would be sent back to hospital”. . Then why can’t he have a check on his temper? Really we don’t know. So Ravi and I have constant fights when he is irritated. Each would blame the other for his irritation. Kumar can be a different person when he is upset. He gets enormous strength and very rarely he would hit himself. We don’t allow that to happen. It happens very rarely.

Since last three days he is going to IIT library. I wish he recollects what he did in a systematic manner and writes it down{Not just books,but what is closest and most accessible is my laptop.Pretending I do nothing for recording stuff I read is taking it way too far.Sorry,Amma,but I hope this incident hasn’t made you think that laziness has set in, because I am prepared to dispute everything you say by showing what I recorded{typed}on my laptop if you are interested}.Yesterday I had bhajan in neelakantan mama’s house. If Kumar meditates for longer duration it would be good for his brain. Next he must start accepting his mistakes and try to learn . He does not want to learn from us. Yesterday he sang very well. Brhas are coming. He must also listen to more music.

June 4th Kumar went to IIT and took a bus from there and came back home from Velacheery bus stand. In the evening took an auto and went to V.P’s house. From there went to Alumini club and saw a movie. He stayed overnight and went for a jog in the beach . Had his breakfast and they had lunch in the club. Then V.P dropped him in the house. Kumar liked the movie 24 and wants to see it with me.

The biggest problem now is Password. If kumar forgets he tries new ones. If we tell him to write and keep he thinks we test his memory. What is the solution? He must try to cover up some short comings he has. He must keep a small hand book and note down things if he feels he would forget. Yesterday night we saw the final between Djokovich and Murray. Kumar enjoyed and was talking about tennis a lot. We talked to him from heart. We told him how he had fought against all odds and had come out successful. We told him about his left hand and showed the photos taken in Levindale. We also showed the photo in which his broken front teeth is visible. Today the password episode took away my patience. Luckily I kept my mouth shut. Kumar must realize that he must extra effort to hide his short comings. As parents we accept his mood swing. Others won’t.

June 6,7 Kumar went to IIT and he is reading. Today (7th) he came by bus on his own. I talked to him for a long time recollecting the events that took place in the past. Now he wants to record it and listen to it. Now he answers fast and does not take time. He is more logical. For memory we do many activities . Yesterday he sang Bhairaviadathalavarnam and Upacharamu. It was very good and he has started getting all the sangathis. If he goes through his work in asystematic way I am sure he will get back the link . I pray to God for that.

June 8-17: Kumar goes to IIT and returns on his own by bus. He  goes to VP”s house by auto on Saturday evening and come s back on Sunday morning after jogging in the beach. Last Saturday(11) my Chitti was there and she was very happy to find Kumar in good shape and memory. Ravi gave a lecture on helicopter Wednesday (15) and Kumar listened. Yesterday Ravi gave on banking. Kumar and I went to Akshayahschool to meet the principal. He was busy so we would meet him on Monday.(20). Kumar would give an inspirational talk and then present his slides to children. Yesterday there was no wifi. Even the broadband was not working. Kumar must now know why we were not getting internet connection. Now when he talks it must not be general but must have facts and technical terms. He does not want to talk without slides. Is he afraid he would not get the flow? Then why can’t he put more effort? How to put this in his mind? He does not accept any comments if negative. He must bend his back while doing Thoppukarnam. He does not want to correct himself. Is it the outcome of home environment which is cosy and no one blames him. His accident should not be an excuse for not correcting his mistakes. He must have the ability to learn something new – he is young.

Kumar had his routine blood test and we went to meet Dr.US.Srinivasan. He said he is fine and all his reports are normal. He has medicine only in the night which would be weaned out in another five months. His left side got 4/5 and his stiffness is coming down. Kumar asked him if he could go for swimming. The doctor told his left side is still slightly weak and he could tilt to left side while swimming and so can lose balance. So if there is a coach by his side for a week or so he can go. The doctor says he would improve further .His recovery is remarkable. As parents we want him to be the same old self again.

July1-24: Kumar is sober . We met the principal of PS after waiting for two hours( despite fixing an appointment with her!!. Manni had spoken to her about the inspirational talk Kumar had prepared for the students). The school is under the control of management and so the schedule for the students is already prepared. So they don’t allow anything to disturb the schedule. I met KV (IIT) principal. All are interested in the academics and don’t want the routine to be disturbed by external people!!. Once or twice Kumar lost his cool( When a scooter was parked infront of our car, he wanted to to put a poster saying it was our slot for parking. Ravi told it would not be nice to write like that.) Kumar screamed and came back home and shouted. In US that was the procedure. I was shaken and prayed to God that his anger must not pose fear in me. God is listening. July 4- marriage anniversary. It was amavasya so did not dine out. We had icecream in IBacco( saw flies and got annoyed). I wore my new salwar. My sons wished me. Kumar goes to IIT and comes back by bus. One day he was very sad. He told after getting down at Vijay nagar bus stand some one saw him and gave him a lift thinking he was new to the place. I told Kumar he must walk freely with his head straight then it would look absolutely normal. He does Sudoku and other activities on his own. I counsel him whenever I find time and we sing daily. There is a marked difference in his singing and he is able to follow the notation fully and his throat is speaking the sangathis. He must now realize three years are over and if he puts the extra effort to speak about his work then it would  be considered a total recovery. Every Saturday he goes to VP’S house and comes back the next day. This Saturday he did not go. Mohan is expected next month and I wish Kumar benefits a lot by his visit.

Mohan came in August. I thought his visit would bring wonders in Kumar. As usual Mohan found faults in us and started questioning about Kumar’s future. Ravi told we are only waiting and Kumar must realize time is running out. He bluntly told there was no difference in his thinking compared to 2015 when he went to US. He told Kumar is not grasping what he was reading and simply goes through his work. Appa told him he said the same thing while he was in Prince George . Mohan used to tell Kumar’s chances of recovery was very slim and he would remain like that for very long. Ravi told Kumar disproved it and came out. Like that he would finish his work. Mohan asked after graduation what would he do. Appa told that we would cross the bridge when we come to it. Mohan was very furious and shouted at Appa. We are used to his tantrums and so gulped it. The next day he became sober. Then he took Kumar with him to B’lore and he had work in MSC. He took Kumar to places in B’lore. Kumar felt very low. He did not pick up the phone when I called him. Mohan told he was feeling low spirited.

I wanted to do Girivalam on a Full moon day. When Mohan was there we decided to go and had a drtiver. We stayed overnight and the next day did the Parikrama. Had Darshan the previous day. Came back and was sad to see that Kumar had not made any lunch for us. Mohan had left for IMSC without eating the breakfast and idlis made by them were untouched. Kumar did not realize he had not taken his breakfast. He had tried to make rotis but he used the copper bottom and they were burnt. That too he had no idea how many rotis are needed for the three of us. I became very angry. Appa kept rice and I blew my top. Kumar was upset but he does not realize he must now be able to plan and manage everything on his own. How long is it going to take? He is getting pampered and his anger is hampering the progress. Mohan tried some programming but he does not put systematic effort. Kumar must realize his short comings and work for them. Mohan got some money and wanted to buy a phone for Kumar. Appa bought it after he left for Turkey.

Then Navarathri . We bought the steps and Mohan helped in assembling it. I kept the Kolu and Mohan left the same day. Now I must mention something here. Hen Mohan was here he told he and Kumar would go for a jog on the road. As usual he did not get up in the morning and Appa did not want Kumar to jog on the road alone so both went to IIT.It was 8 in the morning and they did not come back. I was worried. Appa called me to find out if Kumar had come back on his own. I said NO. Then I woke up Mohan and told him to go to IIT to help Appa in finding Kumar. He was not to be found. I panicked and went to IIT and waited for them. Mohan took a cycle and searched for Kumar but could not find. We thought of lodging a police complaint and at 11.30 Kumar came back. The security had requested one of the students to drop him . Kumar has lost his way. He did not remember Appa had come with him and the car was outside.I am unable to believe how this happened and why Kumar did not take the free bus inside.I was shattered . How is Kumar going to manage on his own if he does not become independent .How long is it going to take? When we tell him this he blows his top and resorts to slapping . He can’t accept insults. Does he realize his short comings? Then why does he not think calmly and try to improve.

Diwali came and we burst rockets. Kumar enjoyed. He sits for group meeting and shows patience. He is able to concentrate but gets diverted. He sings very well and Ravi has made him sing on his own. Tremendous improvement in his voice. Ravi gives him lectures in his subject and pleads him to draw diagrams on the chartand give small talk. He does not do that. Ravi tells him to make points and talk elaborating tem. Kumar reverts back and tells he is used to slide presentation. But now e must realize it is  three and half years since the incident took place and his guide would expect him to remember his basics well.I keep doing lot of recollection exercises. Of late I find he feels very scared if he would forget. Now it is a vicious circle. He must talk more to recollect and if he is not able to recollect he gets upset and starts raising his voice. How did that come to my dear Kumar? He has tremendous respect for me. He treats me like God.

We both had medical checkup. Ravi’s haemoglobin is very low and he is on iron supplement. Now he must get it checked. If it improves medicines will be stopped for a month and again the test will be done. If it is normal no problem. Otherwise some tests have to be done.Kumar is out of anti seizure drug. It is more tan two monts since the medicine stopped. He has a low dosage backlofen which would stop if he keeps his left arm down.Manni was here for dental procedure . Her niece and nephew came(26Dec) and had lunch with us. Then Colonel Shankar came and breakfast with us. (27 Dec)..Ananth from US came here on 28th Dec. e came with his mother. Kumar feels he has done better work than Ananth which is very true. He feels I compare him with others. Pl Kumar I compare you with what you were before the accident.I spend lot of time talking to him.We do pranayamam daily. He must now realize he must prepare in a different way to become confident to go back. He wants to go back. I also long for some change in our life. I wish Moan counsels him and tells him to start giving small talks on specific topics. Kumar does not realize how time flies in the morning.

Dec 31: Had new year eve celebration.Kumar lost his cool and screamed and as usual slapped In the morning. We both feel helpless. Makes us wonder “ Is this our sober Kumar?”. Praying this tantrum stops. He does not want to be branded an angry person. Why does he lose his cool? Why does he not realize the cushion time is over and it is already three and a half years since the incident took place. He is not able to take decisions. He must put extra effort and give more work for his brain. He is able to remember well. Is this home environment making him take things lightly?

 We both sang Vaishnavajanato.Had good dinner. Next day I made carrot keer.  Mohan had called. We did not stay after the dinner. Jan 1st there was abhshekam for Ganapathy. He had group meeting on Tuesday (3rd). He spoke to Prof nicely. Prof told him to take the help of Anant who has graduated recently to put Kumar’s work in order. Kumar sent a mail to him today(5th). If only Kumar starts talking about his work on his own instead of answering questions put by Appa it would make him feel confident. Kumar gets angry when we say this. Sometimes he says he must do this. Very inconsistent.We both make sure he is not irritated. But Kumar must realize others will not show any concession. Also Kumar gets diverted and spends long time in his mobile not doing constructive work. He has not put effort to learn anything new in the last three years. He must now realise how time flies . He must push himself. His left hand little finger can become straight if he puts effort. He needs someone to tell that. The boy who was very concerned about his body now does not realise he walks slower than others and he must keep his head up while walking. Kumar you made us happy by fighting against all odds and coming out in good shape. You need to do more work to be ready to do everything yourself. Parents are aging and they need to rest and live their life.

Jan 6: Today from morning Kumar was not in his good mood. So I played safe and did not ask him to do floor exercises or thera band. Then he made mistakes in Sudoku and was upset. Then I had to go down for the pooja . Then after breakfast he was reading the queries and answers and I also sat next to him. When I asked him to repeat the assumptions in Leshman Beddos model he lost his cool . he started slapping on his face and head and screamed a lot. Appa was angry with me and we both found it hard to control him. He gets enormous strength in his hands when he is upset and this screaming is uncontrollable. We simply did not know what to do. I felt very sad. If this happens after three and a half years that too in a cosy home environment what is the reason? Kumar is a very sober person and never raises his voice. He will disagree but will not say a harsh word. Now this must stop. Should we leave him alone and not interfere in his ways? If he is totally on his own then no issues. Still we need to pep him.what happens when he is upset? Lord alone knows the answer. We are worried this would hamper his thinking . He has progressed very well. We hope he understands our situation and do the self improvement.

Jan-march:  On Jan 7th Saturday I went to Kundrathur for Padivizha. Sang Thirupugazh  standing on every step. Like this I sang in 2013 also. I pray to Lord Muruga to bring enthusiasm in my dear Kumar. He was like a busy bee.The udvegam I long for is still missing.Jan 18th Kumar’s birthday. I had made dhudhi halwa and we dined outd

Side. Went to sangeetha and had dinner. Manni had got T-shirts for him. She had come for her dental procedure. We go out with him by train and bus. Went to Kabaleeswar temple. While coming back to station he felt he was walking slower than us. I thought he had started realizing the fact and would put the extra effort. But the next day when we casually mentioned to him he has to put his chest forward he  did not like it. He does not want us to find fault with him. He told me by the end of March he would become more confident to face his Professor. Feb 10th Ravi’s birthday. Had  icecream. On 12th I had my QMC get together in Latha’s house. My brother V.P came home and talked to Kumar for a long time. When V.P asked him about his passport and related questions Kumar felt he did not answer correctly. Kumar messaged me while I was with my friends and my heart came to my mouth. I knew Kumar was feeling low. Why can’t he write in a small note book and keep with him . He can refer to it when in doubt. Then Ravi went out with V.P and they both spoke outside the house. Kumar felt Appa was talking about him. It was not true. Ravi was asking about V.P’s house. Kumar feels low now and then. We simply don’t know how to talk to him and make him feel fine. He does Sudoku fully and these days has started liking Loop the loop game also.

Few exercises are suggested by Yogaraj for Kumar. He is very happy to see that Kumar is in good shape. We took him for water walking. Again he felt he can swim and felt bad that he is made to walk in water while others swim. I also entered water but since I was swimming after a long time I became breathless. He has problem splashing his legs. He does not want to try. Then swimming is dangerous unless the legs move well. Coach is a must next to him.Now his reading part. He must read and try to talk about it. Ravi is very careful when he talks to him. If we make some good suggestions he would take them in a negative way. I wish Mohan peps him more often and sends him mails counseling him. We both feel he is fully aware of his work. If he puts some systematic effort he would become confident. If we test him he feels bad. How does one know then? I love him so much and become very emotional. I wish he realizes we both are aging and don’t have the strength.

My response:

Amma,I am also aging,and if its established by consensus that I’ve not tried to better myself,and all the work was done by the caretakers(you!),it will be considered a recipe for return to a life I thought was long past!  

It is three years and nine months since the incident took place. Also some important dates he must go through them and must be able to answer. I get scoldings from Ravi if I advise him. He says I treat him like  a small child. Yesterday (March 8th) the group meeting went beyond one and a half hours. He switched off the laptop. We did not want to argue. I asked him if it would not look unprofessional he lost his cool. He must realise time is running.

Response:

Don’t worry! I am not jealous AT ALL,but did you grasp what I said?Question:you try to improve your recollecting skills,so answer me:what did I say then?I spoke English,and I don’t want it to be established otherwise.Please!

What else new can I learn that pleases you?I think that my (I don’t want to inflate my trials,but there it is)intellectual status(I am reading up on my past work,and you say {uncontested by me}I do Sudoku well) I wish he learns something new. He is yet to learn anything new. I am sure Kumar will learn and get back the enthusiasm soon. We encourage him. When he sings or does Sudoku I encourage him sit next to him show interest  though I have a lot of work to do in the morning.Kumar you are a wonderful person so you have good parents. Of late I have started feeling very tired and don’t sleep well in the night. I pray to God to give me lot of inner strength. I go for satsang by T.V.S uncle and go for practice sessions of Thirupugazh.Kumar must have time bound activities. Home environment should not last too long.

“Home environment”,isn’t that the invention  of people who pretend to care?The fact that they don’t fully understand because they weren’t there means their statements reek of  unaware boredom.

Today (9)is Mohan’s birthday. Went to Dandeeswar temple and did archanai.On 10 th went to kancheepuram by taxi. Got up early .we had breakfast in kancheepuram. Went to Kamakshi temple and could go inside and sit before the Goddess .We sang kanjadalaya .Felt very happy.From there went to Aadhi Kamakshi,Ekambresvar and Ulagalandhar perumal temple. Then went to Madam and saw Jayendra swamigal. Had lunch in the madam and came back at 3.30 pm. We all felt tired. The same  day Kumar felt very low and Mohan spoke to him. He did not want to talk to him and told he would do the cloud 9 stuff the next day. Kumar tells but does not pursue it . He now realizes that he has to be more confident spatially.

[Did you come to that conclusion because you are psychologically gifted, or because I myself told you?I told you,without shame,that my performance in common games like badminton would be given a huge boost if I improved spatial awareness]. Yesterday (17th) he told us that he has to start swimming . he says he will take Yoaraj’s tips and would follow.He feels bad when he forgets the passwords. I told him to maintain a small diary and note down all important passwords. He must now put the extra effort. It is three years and nine months since the incident took place. He must push himself further. He now does loop the loop puzzle. He also told he would write all the important definitions in his work. I wish he does it. Consistency in his decisions is a must now. Ravi these days does not sit with him for his work. He says Kumar must now understand the need of the hour and do on his own.

[I don’t have to be tutored at this stage especially in my work,which I did especially well throughout,so it was all my work,not copied,not a shred].Kumar keeps listening to music.

[Again?Looks like you suffer from what you accuse me of!So I claim its passed on from generation to generation.Love you Mummy,no hatred implied.]The time he spends on downloading music is too much and I pray he realizes it. That is not the priority now. Last Saturday went to V.P’s house by bus and came back on Sunday morning. V.P dropped him back. He comes to talk to Kumar when he has time.

July 16, 2017

I did not pen down for nearly four months. We go for morning walk together. Before that we do some exercises at home. I am unable to understand why Kumar does not walk in a line with his feet one behind the other. I walk with him daily but he will keep his feet wide. This really irritates me. He does not want to follow someone’s instruction. His walking is almost near normalcy . Hema varadhan had come for a wedding and she visited Kumar. She was really happy with his progress. She told us that everything would come back to Kumar if we wait for some more time. I make him write in his note book the important happenings in a day. I have to remind him. He is yet to know the passage of time. He reads his work. If only he gives a talk on what he read it would be wonderful.

July2 ; It is four years since the accident took place. I pray to God no accident should result in brain injury. It is a trauma to the victim as well as the family members. If only Kumar is surrounded by people of his age group he would benefit more. He must talk more . I do my part and talk to him. He reads out the news paper and he now discusses the news. He must now accept other’s views with patience and should not think his views are final. He is now calm and very helpful. He is yet to take his own decisions.

Bharath visited us. Kumar talked to him. 4th we went out and dined in sangeetha. I got two saris fro me from kalashetra. How I wish Kumar recalls on his own and interact with us. He attends the group meeting. He gave a talk in IIT about Griffin. But it was not recorded. Prof wants him to recod and send it to him. He wants to be sure Kumar has become confident to face the audience and answer the questions. Why can’t Kumar try giving talk before Ravi and become confident. We still don’t know what he wants to do. If we ask him sometimes he will become sad and will not talk. We don’t want him to feel low and very importantly his temper must not go up. With very great difficulty and with God’s grace that stopped. He got used to one routine and he must now start thinking when he would be ready to go back.When I say this he thinks I want him away from home.I would like to go to US when he is ready . The six months we spent in the hospital (July 5 2013 – dec 27 2013) was a cruel joke played on us. I want some wonderful pleasant time to be spent in US. I pray to God to make him realize about himself and the small short comings he has to combat. My only solace now is Thirupugazh. I get inner strength when I sing. Kumar sings very well. Yesterday I fell down when I had gone to my friend’s house in 100feet road for practice. God saved me but I have pain in my shoulder and right hand.

Mohan is in Argentina. He never interacts with Kumar. He does not want to take up the responsibility of motivating Kumar. No one will own up excepting parents. Ravi is very patient and is very careful while talking to him. We had to replace geyser, smoke absorber in the kitchen, washing machine. Last Saturday Kumar fell down in the bathroom since the bucket was on the way. He held onto the wash basin and that gave way. Luckily nothing happened to Kumar. It was 3 in the morning and Ravi did not show an iota of anger and cleaned the mess in the bath room. I told Kumar to help him. Ravi did not like the tone. I really don’t know how to express my anger or tell my mind. I do rehearsel before I talk to  myself. Kumar must learn something new. He can revive his programming skill. Mohan tried but Kumar does not show interest. Ravi feels he knows the subject but if he talks then he will become confident.Kumar’s udvegam is my wish.

July 4- aug 13: We go for morning walk and I am there when he does exercise. This is to motivate him. On 25th July (Tuesday) Father in laws ceremony took place . Manni had come on 21st and we had a nice time going out. We went to T.nagar by bus and bought a sari to do embroidery. Went by bus. Manni needed laser correction for her left eye in which she had cataract surgery. Dr.Asok Kumar did  it. Then on 25th we went by car and Kumar came by auto for lunch. We went to mylapore and did lot of purchase. I bought Idli cooker.We went to temple. Then we had rose milk.Manni left on Sunday. When Manni was here had a bhajan in Eden. On Sunday Satsang. All these keep me alive.

Kumar got a mail from prof asking him to add more to the introduction. He can do it in no time. But why does not do it at once taking some ideas from Ravi. Ravi shows tremendous patience with him.When Kumar is in nice mood he would tell he would finish it. Time is running. Mohan does not interact with him despite my repeated requests. When I ask Kumar to finish the writing he did not like it. He takes it in a negative way. Yesterday I had been to my friend sudha’s 60th birthday. It was in perambur.She made me also cut the cake since we both shared the same birthday. My sons did not think of celebrating it in a bigger way, but God made me cut cake for my 60th birthday !!!! I told Kumar he did not call me to find out when I was going to come back since it became late. I told him my friend’s sons and daughters were calling to find out about  them. This became a negative comment and Kumar told I praise my friend’s sons and it was like a dagger driven into his heart. I got scared if his temper was raising and as usual shed tears. I also bluted out out how much I have done to him in the past four years.

When I look back I spent six years of my life with my mother in law and my going out was restricted. She never liked me going out. The last four years I have been concerned about Kumar and we have not taken a decent break and gone out. I wish Kumar is the same old Kumar to Amma .Does he know how much I was involved in motivating him.?He must be able to pen down his feelings and what happened in the last four years.

I wish he takes Ravi’s help and finish writing the introduction and send it to Prof. We  still are not clear what he wants to do. He must go out of the house interact with people and get used to some working environment. Home is a cosy place and it can make one depend on others. I feel too tired mentally and physically. We have asked him many times if he needs any professional counseling. He does not want any hospital atmosphere and we respect his view. This has become a vicious circle. Prof is ready to call him when he finishes writing this and wants him to give a lecture and record and send to him. He must prepare for that. I am sure Lord Muruga will put that in his mind.

Aug- sep Nothing specific. Same routine .Get up in the morning do exercise then pranayamam and go down and  and walk. Come back and eat the amla jam with honey. Do Sudoku and loop the loop with my help. Then unscramble. And do other word puzzles. Attends group meetings. Reads but he must be able to explain to others. Again leave of absence got from Dr.U.S.Srinivasan got on 22nd for the fall semester. 25th was Ganesh chathurthi . His laptop developed problem  and was given for repair. I sing with him in the evening and we have revived many songs.I spend lot of time talking to him and trying to make him recall.He never shows interest on his own.That saddens me a lot.

6th sep kamokarshit japam. Both Kumar and Ravi did. On 7th he went to IIT to attend a presentation by Rajit’s students. Kumar could not find the place and returned back.How is this possible He does not push  himself. We take him to temple now and then. Ravi sits with him to go through his files. 19th sep was my father’s srardham. We went to VP’s house. I had hit my toe with with the suitcase and it turned out  to be a small fracture. Pain is still there. Golu went off well .On 22nd we did lalitha sahasranamam archanai Now and then he  goes with Ravi to IITM library.

On 30th VT spoke to him. He asked him if he would be able to come to US on his own. Then he told him he had done very good work but defense can be a challenge,.  He must be able to answer the queries put forward by the committee . A big gap of four and half years has come.Kumar must read and write . He refuses to accept. Even if he accepts he will not execute. Can’t believe this!!!Manni came for her work. Went o Athimber’s house . Had lunch there. Prof had asked him some flapping equations which Kumar did with Mohan’s help.He sent it to prof.

18th Diwali. Burst rockets. From 20th had skanda sashti bhajans. Kumar reads but does he recall he reads newspaper for me and I make him discus it with me. Recalling is still a problem. I have to prompt. Sometimes he tells but what is the problem .He must show interest and it is a tremendous stress.He can become upset . He has become sober and accepts when we find fault. He has been requesting his Prof to send I20 for him. Prof is dodging. He has written to Ananth to remind his prof. He has expanded the introduction with Ravi’s help. He sent the expanded form to his prof but he has not acknowledged it yet. Days are running and the time left is less for the spring sem to start. If he goes to US by the grace of God he must be able to do everything on his own. Ravi must not be at his back. Helicopter parenting will not be welcome. Kumar  does not show any enthusiasm to go anywhere on his own. We have to take him.

He is able to do loop the loop to a great extent but still has problem in completing on his own. He must follow the rules then he is possible. Sudoku he finishes on many days. TodaSophistication y 28th nov he lost his cool.. I chanted Devimahatmiyam and after that this drama happened. He wanted to write a mail to one of the students of IITM introducing himself as an old student. He wanted to know his period of stay there. I was surprised he did not remember. It is not memory problem. He does not want to think. I told him and asked if he remembers when I finished my degree. He id not reply. Then I asked when I got married. He told 1957. I was very upset. Appa interfered and as usual Kumar became very angry and hit himself on his head. This is happening after a long time. Very scary. I was terribly upset. I cried a lot and was lying down for a long time. I sent him whatsapp msg though we were sitting in the same room. He becomes illogical when he is angry. Very embarrassing when he screams. People can hear. No logic works when he shouts. Also he must speak softly he shouts when he talks. The original sophistication must come back. Who will tell him these I am tired too tired. Thirupugazh keeps me alive. Oflate I FEEL MY ENERGY LEVEL IS DRIPPING. So much fighting between me and Ravi. We have lot of difference of poinion. Today they went to IIT and got photo copy of basics. I wish Kumar goes through it  and is able to tell it.

In nutshell I am updating the important events. On Nov 13 he went to Bore for his advisor’s felicitation. Days are passing ..manni visited us but left before Jan1st. There was a get together and Kumar sang Meli chadhar . I did not accompany him. Pongal was celebrated and GP was here before kanu. But both the brothers did not give me any money for the vethalai pakku. My mother would be feeling sad !!On Jan 18th mohan and Nurcan came. We bought a half pant and T-shirt for Kumar. I had made palak pannier and gobi Manchurian. We went to airport to pick them up. Both enjoyed the stay and Nurcan enjoyed all the food I made except idli. Kumar blew his top once and I got perfect scoldings from Ravi. When will Kumar realize he is unreasonable and his anger is unacceptable. We went for yearly check up. My cholesterol is slightly hish and thyroid is on the border line. For Ravi hydrocyl is suspected. Not to worry.. need  to take one surgeon’s opinion.

On 28th ring ceremony took place. All our relatives came.Lunch was ordered and jangiri and mixture were bought from Ramamani one of Manni’s friends. Everything was good.Mohan insisted upon taking Kumar to Turkey.. He read the diaries maintained by me showing the effort I put in different waysHe wept uncontrallablySo sent Kumar with him. They went on feb 6th and returned back with Mohan on March 8th. Kumar enjoyed though there were occasions when he lost his cool .he was upset that Mohan did not get up in the morning. Felt left out. What I don’t understand is why cant he take the initiative and do the morning activities. He thinks he is a guest. He must come out of that feeling. Yesterday march 9th I made sweet potato halwa and mutter pannier. I went out with him to Big bazaar and he bought shoes and mixi with the points we had. Went to dandeeswaran temple and prayed. Then he started feeling low and cried and hit himself. Kumar got upset and he also hit . On Friday I had to see all this !!! I prayed to Muruga to give me mental peace. He and Kumar made a nice rice dish with veg and it tasted good. Ravi felt for Mohan got ice cream.. I did not eat owing to cold

March 10  Mohan has gone to Blore by train. Kumar and Ravi went to IIT for a walk. Kumar misplaced his phone and purse but luckily Ravi got it when he went to search for it in IIT. Kumar said Your husband for Ravi for which I objected. Kumar went out of control hit on his head screamed. I think I must distance myself and treat him as an adult. He never likes anyone talking about his work. He went to present in IIT before he lest for Turkey on feb 2nd but stopped in the middle.. Now he has to present on 13th 9Tuesday) before Ranjit. I am sure he will do well.. I pray to God he is the same sobeer Kumar . He must now work for his small short comings. If this anger is not there we can push him further. Today his glass came out when he threw it. Luckily it did not break (It is unbreakable but that also can break).

March 11: Today I had bhajan in ratnagireeswar temple for an hour in the evening. It was srdhanjali for the Jayendra swamigal.. Appa dropped me and my friend Anu also came. Kumar and Appa had to buy some items like socks and dhoti. They bought and came to pick me up from the temple. I told Kumar to come inside the temple. These days he is not playing in the evening. Ravi wants Kumar to ask for it.Night Mohan came from B’lore. He felt confident after meeting Jayanth. Both my sons instead of giving me peace of mind give me shivers down my spine. The mood can change anytime. Kumar was never like that. Now after effects of  accident like episodes of uncontrollable anger had almost subsided. But after coming from Turkey it has erupted again. We are helpless!!!

March 12: today he was going through his slides to present before Ranjit. He had group meeting. Mohan and I went to kapaleeswar temple by car. Kumar had group meeting so could not come. I had a long talk with Mohan and he also promised to be positive and would stay in touch with us.. Felt at peace inside the temple. Then we were coming back Ravi told the meeting went off well and the prof had enrolled Kumar in UMD. His leave of absence is not accepted. Now Kumar must know he must get ready to go to US. Ravi wanted to buy a half pant for kumar. He went walking . Mohan wanted to see his presentation and made some comment. Kumar blew his top hit Mohan on his check and back. Mohan was stunned. Kumar screamed and told him to get out of the house. I was making dosa. Kumar hit himself many times and went out of control.. What is the reason? Kumar feels we are question  his work. If he is able to talk fluently about his work and manage all his different files then where is the problem? Then Ravi told they are seeing a wrong file( This ravi has to tell Kumar). Kumar banged his head against the wall and there were two big bumps on hid head. Then there was some scratch on his face.. pathetic!!!I pray to God to make him sober as before. Then he felt bad and refused to eat as a self punishment. Then we begged him and Mohan made doasa and he ate. I put icepack on his head.Kumar must now realize it is four and half years since the accident took place. If this anger continues it will hamper his thinking.

March 13: Mohan and Kumar took the car and went to IIT for the presentation. Before that Mohan was checking the recording part. Kumar never thinks of all that. He wants us to take care of the recording part. He never gave a talk at home and recorded. That would have solved the doubt if the sound was enough. He did well and Mohan recorded it. We felt happy. I made poori baby potato lemon juice and we went to beach. Mohan was talking to us about quantum computing and Kumar was interested. We sat near the shore .I told Kumar ( as ususal)  how he can talk more and reminded him he has to get back his original udvegam. All the three started telling I always tell negative things and Kumar told I was spoiling the family private time.. I became sad went near the waves watched them to control my emotions. Thought of the days when we went to the beach with my parents and how we used to wait for the yonder waves to come near and touch our feet. How wonderful those moments were!!! Now I have to measure every single word before uttering. I am fit for making food only!!! Lalli must not forget. The food was enjoyed. Kumar helped me while making pooris and Mohan packed the food. Then while returning mohan wanted to buy some ear rings as desired ny Nurcan. We wanted to buy ice cream and got from  Aavin parlour. Mohan went to 100 ft rd to buy.

March 14: Mohan left for delhi in the morning. Ravi went to drop him in the airport. The house was empty after he left. Feeling the pain in my heart. Mohan asked me if Kumar had ever hit us during his anger episodes. I said “NO”. He said he kicked him while he got angry in Turkey. I can’t accept my Kumar hitting his dear brother.. Before the accident he had been protective of him. Now he thinks we favour Mohan and insult him. Why does that thought come to his mind? Can’t he now think “ I must make up for the time lost owing to the accident. Let me talk about my subject record and see if I have to change my way of talking”. If we talk about his work or ask questions he gets angry. How does one know if he can answer the questions put forward by his advisor. Mohan says that Kumar’s recovery is almost complete and if he pushes himself he can answer all the questions.. He can write on the chart work out . Why does he not do that? He has to be told . Then he does. Now when he goes back to UMD he can’t waste his time.

March 15: These days he does not do those exercises which he used to do in the morning. Let him do whatever he wants. Why can’t he look at the mirror and correct himself on his own? In turkey he sat on the piano and played it seems. He said he would start using his keyboard at home. Till today he has not touched. He wants to do but does not realize he has not done. Next is Dyna splint. Now that he is aware he must follow it up.Ravi does it. Next he must update himself with the latest advancement in technology. Yesterday there was a bhajan in TVS uncle’s house. I told Kumar to sing Sreesubramanyaya Namaste before Neelakandan uncle. I came back from the bhajan and told Kumar to sing once before going. He started and when I told him to repeat the sangathi he became very angry and closed the note book. Kumar must now know he must go out well prepared be it singing or his work. He sang well before the uncle. They blessed him. I remember how well he used to prepare before the accident ( even trivial things ). He wanted to sing a song before his piano recital. I told him Shanthinilavavendum. He wrote down the meaning and sang it many times before me. Next  he must not sit in his room aloof . He must interact with us more. Nothing wrong in being angry. The enormous strength he shows that time can result in injury. We are unable to calm him down. I keep praying. He must now know the latest happenings in his field. Four and half years is a long time in one’s life when he is young. He must get the feeling “ I must graduate and take up a job and start earning”. He can brush up his programming skill. It is needed for any job.

March 16,17 These days he does not play badminton with Ravi. They used to play in the evening.. When he ate breakfast before bath Ravi asked him why he die so. He became angry We must not find fault with him. Does not accept his mistakes. Next he takes time to understand instructions. He does not pay attention to it. Why cant he write down the instructions and follow them/ Making suji upma, poha , semia or sago I must tell him everytime. Reflexes have improved but he is young. He must be fast..Ravi tells him to write some 100 to 150 FAQs in his subject. He will tell yes but does not do.  How to make him realize that? He takes it as an insult.. He must have a schedule and work. He sings very well.. He gets diverted and if I tell that he would tell me do my work. Long since I saw him read any fiction. Next news. He must be able to talk on important current topics.he reads the news but must be able to discus with us..

March 18; every Sunday they go to IIT to walk. Ravi took the video.. He understands that he is tilting to left slightly. He will at once tell swimming is the best way to correct it.. we took him to the  acquatic complex for water walking. He hardly did one round and did not want to splash his legs. Per hour it is 100 rs and it went a waste. If he wants to swim he must find out about the coach explain to him what happened to him and the coach must be with him all the time. He wants us to do everything . We called Senthil. He came in the evening and he suggested some exercises. Kumar said he would do. Strengthening of the left heel is needed for Kumar. So he must have firm steps while walking and while sitting must lift his feet and rest on heel and tap them.. Kumar can do this while sitting. He wont do unless I tell him.

March 19: could not get connected to UMD and so missed the group meeting. My brother GP had come . Ravi had his cataract surgery on his left eye on 21st (Thursday) in Excellent care hospital. Tuesday (20) Kumar got his glasses. It cost 2200 rs. Kumar must not throw things when he is angry. We had to buy a new glass since it chipped when he threw it..

March 21: Got up early made idlis and went to the hospital with Ravi and GP. GP was of great help. He had to come home twice Once to bring Ravis items and my purse and second time to eat and take idlis for Ravi. Ravi came back home at 12 and I made pav bhaji roti and curd rice. GP left in the night..

March 22 The same story. I have to measure my words while spaeaking to Kumar. I told him to show his Dynamic stall slides. Like a fool I asked him a question and he lost his cool. The way he hit his head and slapped  my God made me feel sorry for him. What makes him angry? He must answer his prof when he goes back. How to check how much he is able to recall..He thinks he is doing a lot of work. Morning he does exercise and while doing the floor exercises why does he not write down and do them in order? He does not like when I tell him to keep his left hand down. He must see the looking mirror and change his left side drooping. Senthil sir told him to do tapping his feet . He takes light steps with his left leg. He must put pressure on his left heel. Next he must not bend his head while walking. Sometimes I feel at heart “ Is he the same Kumar  who used to jog front and back in US?”. Where is the spirit gone? Does he feel tired? Is this the outcome of the accident? I must not mention about the accident. He can be very angry .Has he compromised on his abilities? He is young and he must be faster than us.

March 23- 29 : Daily the same story. By the time he sits to read it would be 11 in the morning. He gets diverted a lot. He must now realize he cant stay the whole day at home.. He must now do purposeful activities. In the last four years and nine months he has not put effort to to learn anything new. Such a brilliant boy!!! He does not want to strain his brain. We are not able to make him  realize this aspect. I had some tests done in Prashanthi. I took him also with me. It was 23rd. I had sonography of my breasts and echo done for heart. Normal.The  lady doctor told me meditation would do wonders for my stress. I am really stressed. Then on 29th I took my lipid profile test and renal function test. I told Kumar to collect it from Venkateswara lab which is just 100 mts away from our house. Kumar volunteered to collect it. When he did not come back after 45 mts we knew he lost his way. We both went out in search of him. Ravi was very angry and as usual Kumar did not pick up the phone when I called. Total mess. Ravi shouted at me and I was in tears. Then Kumar answered Ravi’s call and he was near Parasu clinic. I was unable to understand why he did not ask anyone for  direction.He had the receipt in his pocket. When will he become independent? We go with him wherever he goes. He does not want to try. My reports are normal. We both must be healthy to work with him

March 28: Mohan got Bagep award for maths. He did not make it sound big and did not want me to put that news in Natesan group. He felt it was not on par with young scientist award of India. He always under plays!!

March 30-31: On 30th Panguni Uttiram bhajanai in Saidapet. These moments make me feel happy. How I wish these moments extend and I am at peace with myself!! On Sunday 9 April1st) went to Mandaveli  to see Raji Akka. Went to Kapaleeswar temple.. Had good darshan. It would be wonderful if Kumar shows interest in recalling. He thinks we are testing him.April is born. Days are running.

April2nd: Group meeting. Prof is out of station. Prof .Nagaraja took it. His talk (Video) is sent to Prof. He is yet to reply. If Kumar pushes himself and does recalling with interest he would do very well. He must write down some 100 FAQs and talk. We have faith in God. Ravi and I have lot of fights over issues concerning Kumar. Total loss of loving talk between us. Kumar is becoming impatient and finds fault with us .He must talk softly and when we go out with him he must walk bit fster. Sometimes our patience is exhausted. We are also human beings!!!!

April 3,4: April 3rd being Tuesday had Thirupugazh class. Felt very happy to sing. That is the time I am really happy. Kumar sang two songs on Devi in the morning. I have to tell him to write in his diary otherwise he will not. My manni is going to US for 40 days. Nice for her. I also would like to go to US. In 2013 we both stayed in the hospital for six long months. We did not go out of the hospital. We visited both Mohan and Kumar in 2009. We stayed for three weeks that too ravi for two weeks only. In 2012 again only three weeks with Kumar. 2013 changed my life. I had to leave Edusol class and Thirupugazh class ( for nearly a year). Now mind longs to see some places in US. I can go when Kumar goes to defend his thesis. Is his preparation enough? Who will test him? He feels insulted when Ravi  asks him to explain definitions in his work. Why can’t he explain what is Dynamic stall to us? Night I asked him to show his slides on dynamic stall. There was an alphabet “K” and I asked what it was. He had to refer to his book and tell. So he must realize he has to write and see or revise in a systematic way. We have to tell him to read and unless he tells what he read what do we know ?

April4: Bhajan in ganapathy Sachidananda  ashram . It was led by Neelakanda uncle.He told me sing Alankaram in Bhagesri. Kumar listened to it at home and gave some tips.Ravi dropped me. Anu also came with me. I sang well and some came near and told my voice is really good. I keep hearing comments like” You are a negative person. You must control your emotions. You always find fault “ etc. When I got praises I felt happy. Had lunch there and Ravi came to pick me up. Very kind of him. Kumar sang prakkala nilabadi and payorasi. Fantastic rendering. I also sang Thirupugazh in those ragams. Kumar recorded and sent it to me. I did not record my mother’s voice when she was alive. I regret a lot .Kumar’s laptop was giving some problem. He was before it for a long time. I just asked him if he is not reading story books why store more in Kindle. I must have kept my mouth shut. He was angry with me. I gave him the problem of 8 lit 5 lit and 3lit.He did not want to do. He does not want to strain his brain.

April 5th: Went to Prasanthi hospital and showed my reports. Normal they are. Wen I asked Kumar where I went in the morning he did not answer.He told I went to Baby nagar. Why does this happen? Why can’t he recall? He does not show interest. Then Ravi asked him what type of Visa a student has, he told H1visa. Kumar can’t make such mistakes. Then Ravi showed him. It is F1visa. Then we asked him to tell some shops and where the petrol bunk is. He did not want to answer. Then when I told him if VP asks what he would tell he said he would ask him to know from Appa who drives. Then  he told we sit on his head and I told he does not want to take interest in anything and he is blaming us. He became angry and hit himself on his head and face. When will this stop? Why can’t he work on his recalling ability ? When he reads he must note down some points and talk about it. Now we both don’t know how to touch his heart. Kumar must know we as parents can accept his behavior. Home environment and pampering are not good for a youth. He must now learn something new. Revive programming.

April 6,7,8: Same routine. Must be patient when he does floor exercises. 7th we went to Pazhavanthangal Anjanesya temple. Ravi chanted Vishnu sahasranamam . As usual he was fast and I could not chant in that speed. So I told in my mind. Then I asked both ravi and Kumar why it is called Sundarakandam ? Both could not tell. This I had told many times but no interest to retain is obvious. Then I told Kumar how in my twilight of my life Appa and I don’t do any activity together. I am constantly criticized for whatever I utter. My mind is getting distanced from my sons and my dear husband. I am constantly under stress and fear. Appa and I don’t go out anywhere .

April9: Got up at 4.30 in the morning.  I went to kancheepuram with my Guru and sang in the Mutt sitting before the Brindavan of periva. Wept silently . Sat  before kamakshi and sang and asked her to ease out my stress.Went to Kumarakottam and sang there also. Took breakfast  with me ( Idlis) and made baby potatoes for Ravi and Kumar. I felt sad when Kumar did not come forward to help me in packing my food or filled my water bottle. He did not show any enthusiasm. Thought of the time when I made nearly 50 theplas when he went to Ooty with Mohan and Nurcan.Came back at 3.30.Felt very tired. Ravi made coffee for me. Very refreshing. Kumar had group meeting. He was upset that his screen was not showing the plots of the slides shown by UMD students. Also it was only half screen. He spoke to his advisor and he told he would go through his video recording of Kumar’s slide presentation on March 13th in IIT. I made sevai ( Puli)  for dinner. GP was expected at 9. I just went down to chat with Geetha. When I came back what I saw saddened my heart. Kumar was hitting his head and he had hit his fore head hard against the wooden cup board. There was a big bump. He was lying on the floor. Ravi was trying to calm him down. Kumar had tried to set right the skype problem and when it did not show the plots ( It showed his pdf) he got wild. He was feeling very low and was crying. Then I put ice pack on the bump and calmed him. He came to the sofa. He was not ready to listen to us and did not want to eat. I was scared. GP was coming at 9. So I begged Kumar and fed him the sevai. We are helpless. We are facing all this after four years and nine months after the accident. Does Kumar require someone other than parents to talk to him? VP had a long chat with Appa and was asking about Kumar. No one other than Mohan knows about these anger episodes of Kumar. He must control his anger. I must not use the word ”Anger”. Then what is it? After visiting Kancheepuram and praying if this ugly incident happens what should I do? Kumar always says “ You lead your life”. What does that mean? If he prepares well and gets back to US for defense then we can lead our lives. Now we are afraid to talk to him. He says “ Brain injured are usually violent . I am not that violent”. Then I told him some TBI get constant headache and suffer from insomnia. They turn violent. We have given the best environment to him. We show him tremendous love and concern. Does he think of aging parents? By now if he had  developed some skills or any new learning it would benefit him. He must complete his thesis. Must write some 100 FAQs to face the committee. Who will tell him? He wants to sit in his room alone and does not interact much. Consistency in what he says is missing. He will tell me” As an adult you have the right to say anything .Why do you need my permission”. But if I ask him anything in his work ( some key words) he can be very upset. Why can’t he put systematic effort and write down. Ravi tells him to draw some graphs and write down equations. We don’t know what he really wants to do. Today I showed him the letters written by him and my mother in 2003 and 2005. He was moved. Those are momentary feelings and his mood changes in no time. Today had Thirupugazh class. . That is the only time I am happy. I pray to God to give us patience and good health till Kumar is totally independent.

April 10 : Had Thirupugazh class. This keeps me alive . Mami taught us two songs  one in Begada and the other in Hindolam. Learnt them at once. Nothing special happens in my life.. Mohan had been to LA to give a talk.he went on 7th April He had to give a talk on 11th(Wednesday) .It went off well and he is happy .How I wish he mails Kumar on regular basis.

April 11- 17: April 14th isTamil  New Year . Saw Kani and made carrot keer ,morkuzhambu , manga pcahdi and sambar Had to get up at 4.30 and finished all the work. Went to bhajan at Sringeri madam. Ravi dropped me and Anu in Perungudi. Sat infront of our  Guru. Great experience. I was asked to take Aarati with another lady. Felt blessed. Came back by train. Ravi came to pick us up. Had lunch at home. Felt tired. Kumar must get over his sleep in the afternoon. He must recall and talk more. This Monday (!6) there was group meeting. But his Prof was busy and so he could not talk to him. Days are running. If he has a strict schedule at home and writes some 10 FAQs daily it would be good. He must now know time is running. I have long talks with him. But I am always careful. Suddenly his mood changes. When he does floor exercises why can’t he remember the order and do with interest? Cycling he can do for more time. Difficult to tell him. Sense of time is still lacking. Today I he sang in the morning. He helps me in the kitchen. But why this confusion while doing cooking? Then he must write and keep. He must follow instructions. He does not show interest when I give him specific instructions. What is the problem in taking out idlis? Why can’t he learn? I am sad in the last four years and ten months he has not learnt anything new. Now he must talk boldly about the present issues not in a vague manner but in a scholarly way. Next when he talks over the phone some sophistication is needed. Who will tell him all this? He says “ I will do “ but does not realize he has not done. I told him to prune the plants and water them. He saisd he would. But unless I tell him again he wont do. We have to push him. This pushing must come from his side . Today (17) had thirupugazh class. I had a long talk with him. I told him frankly his anger hampers his progress and we as parents do not know how to calm him. Praying  calms me.😇